I mentioned a few days ago that I ended up planning a midsingles activity called 8 at 8. It was the first one so we had a few more than 8 people but it didn’t matter because the whole idea is about networking. Instead of dating just 1 person you get to interact with 7+ people who know more people who might be right for you. It makes an evening all the more productive than traditional one on one dating.
Anyway, I had brought the idea up on the singles forums and there was a good response so I created a meet up group and today was our first meeting. It was super easy to plan. I basically posted the event, created a little discussion sheet and then showed up at the Pie Pizzeria in Midvale for their awesome pizza. They have a 23 inch pizza that we got for the group and then people got their own salads and drinks. It couldn’t have been easier.
Once we all arrived and had our pizza everyone chatted and it seemed pleasant. I was going to mix people up more but with people eating it seemed easier to stay put and then switch things up once people were done with their pizza. It was a lot of fun.
I admit I got a little bit of butterflies right before but no need. Everyone was friendly and we had good conversation. I think it is a good thing to interact with new people, get out of my comfort zone. Its challenging but I always feel grateful after.
So for the next one we will see if people want to do a smaller group or keep it big. Its hard because you have so many no-shows that the smaller groups make me nervous. Plus they take more planning but I’m open to it if that’s what people want. The Pie is a good place because its cheap, everyone likes it and the outside space is nice. We’ll just see what people want to do. It just has to be easy to plan and fun.
What do you think? What kind of activities do you like to do?
Anyway, I felt proud of myself for taking the time to gather people and stepping outside of my norm. A few more people aren’t strangers any more and that’s a good thing.
Ok all my twitter and facebook friends know the goings on of this evening so forgive the repetition.
I didn’t have anything planned and I heard about a midsingles dance close to my house. I would normally not give it a second thought because I don’t like dances but feeling like I should make some effort on the dating/get-to-know-others scene I thought about going. In fact, I thought about it for about 4 hours, talking myself in and out of it. I even got my friend Rachel to go and then I cancelled on her and then tried to get her to go again…Sorry Rachel!
I’m not a good dancer. Plus, I don’t like most of the music and its so hard to talk to anyone that I don’t think it really is a great way to meet new people. Unfortunately, it is the activity of choice for meeting new people in Utah. Particularly those of the opposite sex…Sigh. It goes way back to pioneer times but Mormons love dancing. Much to my chagrin.
Well, finally 9:30 came and I figured what the heck? I’ve certainly spent $11 on less of a risk so I went. It was way out of my comfort zone (I would have taken photos but it was so dark they wouldn’t have really turned out. Here is me before the dance. I think I looked pretty good. I got new lipstick which I really like, and I love my blue dress. I felt pretty so at least that was going for me. 🙂
So it wasn’t at a churchhouse but in a club which was a new experience. (A very Mormon-standard club but still I’ve never been to something like that). The music was loud, it was dark but I decided I was there so go for it. I danced pretty much every fast song and even asked someone to dance for a slow song.
Just to put it in a bit of perspective- how many of you have gone somewhere where you know nobody, doing something you know you aren’t great at and still had a good time? Props to me if I don’t say so myself. Of course, I went on a cruise to Mexico by myself, so maybe it isn’t too big a surprise to my loyal readers. Tonight actually reminded me of the clubs on the cruise.
You’ve got to challenge yourself in life to get anywhere. Did I meet the love of my life? No, and if I did it was too loud to talk to him anyway, but I did something that was hard and that is a good thing.
Go do something you think is hard. It feels really good.
And just to give you an idea of the moves you missed I made this 🙂 :
PS I totally like this song…I know. Unexpected right?
Its no great secret that my church is a church of marriage and family. After all, we have an entire proclamation on the family and have fought tooth and nail for traditional marriage to be protected and encouraged. All that is good and wonderful but where does that lead the rapidly growing group of single adult members of the church without families? Well, you can either hack it out alone ignoring much of the doctrine that doesn’t relate to your life or you can
(or some mix of both to survive).
The second option is hard. Its hard to find people to go on dates with. That is my constant problem. And yes, I’ve tried multiple online resources and nothing. I’ve asked my friends to help me but evidently they don’t know many singles which I get. Hmmm. Who else? Don’t go to singles ward any more so could meet someone at the gym or at swim stuff or something like that but its hard. I signed up for a matchmaking service but it is based on the men and they haven’t matched me yet. They make a big deal about being ‘active’ which is a nice way of saying skinny because nobody thinks of someone like me as ‘active’. even though I am.
So where does that lead me? Ok. Back to option 1. Hack out a good enough existence for yourself and ignore the second part. Make the church work for your life because you know it is true and Joseph Smith was a prophet and you don’t care that a large part of doctrine you can’t practice yet. Ok maybe you care a little but everyone wants companionship some of the time. You don’t have to be a robot because you are single. So you do your best to take what you can and develop a strong relationship with God and hope that someone sets you up with a friend or you bump into Mr. Sunshine.
Part of the problem with set-ups is my friends say things like ‘I don’t see you two together’. I wish they would let me be the judge of that. I had another friend say ‘you wouldn’t want to go on a date with just anyone’. Unless he’s a rapist and murder I probably would let them buy me dinner. The standard doesn’t have to be so high. I can learn something from a date even if it isn’t ‘the one’. Plus, how do I know ‘the one’ if I haven’t met ‘not the one’.
I wish I could have a bunch of dates and get a flavor for what I want. I really have no idea.
The problem is when you do finally get a date your expectations tend to be a little out of whack because you haven’t had one in 6 months. You either think this person might be the one, really likes me or, has big potential, instead of just a casual date. Usually that’s a nightmare.
Even if it is a nightmare date you have so few that I’ve found myself hoping the rotten date would call me again after it. I don’t know why but it feels better to go on another rotten date than nothing. Silly but true.
I’m embarrassed to admit the last date I went on was last October and that was only after rather incessant begging to my friends because I didn’t want to go to a reunion alone. We had a great time. I enjoyed it immensely.
What made me think of this is I have season tickets to the Scera Shell and they are having Josh Turner coming next Tuesday. It crossed my mind- this would make a great date activity but could I for the best of me think of a guy to ask? Not so much.
Its a problem. Where have all the good men gone? Where are you hiding? I’m a nice girl!
Here’s some things about me to recommend me to your single friends out there:
I’m in my early 30s and look like this
I’m a great athlete and love beautiful lakes, rivers and oceans. Swam 5 open water swims with 2 more to come this year.
I also can kick most anybody’s butt. I’m tough as nails. MMA is my specialty.
I’m also a great reader, philosopher and deep thinker. Love good conversation and debate
I also love the arts, movies, music and theater and the symphony. Here I am after performing at Hale Center Theater
I take great joy in writing both this blog and my recently completed nanowrimo book
Looking for a great cook? I’m that too.
I’m also a great friend and aunt. Loyalty, honesty and friendship are everything to me. Always have been.
Lastly my faith is everything. Without it I would just be an anxiety ridden, unhappy mess. I would sooner give up breathing than give up my faith.
So there you go. That’s my online resume for any guys out there to read. I think I’m pretty great. Not perfect but got a lot going for me. I’m fun and try really hard to be a good friend. I work hard, am honest and I know what my many flaws are and am working to do better.
So if you know someone who is single show him this page and then let him decided for himself if he wants to be set up with me. That should make your life easier. Who knows right!
Anyway, That’s me and that’s the state of dating at my age. Its darn to impossible. So in the meantime I am hacking it out on my own. Hoping for a bad date if I’m lucky. Sigh…
So today I cried after church. I cry a little bit after thinking about it. Why you ask? It’s silly really but I missed my old singles ward and particularly my old bishop. I almost always had a good relationship with my singles bishops. Not anything too clingy but just they knew my struggles and I could go to them when I was hurting for advice and counsel.
I have found that to be almost impossible in family wards, both that I have been in. They’ve been kind but not the sense of ownership and stewardship over me that I saw in singles ward. As someone who doesn’t have much priesthood in my life I really miss that presence. My father is really my only source for guidance and he is in California which sometimes works, sometimes not.
Today I wanted to talk to the bishop about Mothers Day. Last year I went to the singles ward for Mothers Day and it was so fabulous and uplifting. Mothers Day in family wards is rightfully a celebration of mothers. Normally that is a good thing. I also don’t think that everything should be about me. The Moms deserve their moment in the sun. No doubt about it.
Here’s where I struggle. First, you hear on Mothers Day a million talks about how nurturing and motherhood is an innate part of womanhood. This makes me feel like we all have to be what I call ‘ooey and gooey’. I’m just not that way and it is certainly not natural. I know God accepts me but that doesn’t stop me from bristling when I hear those kinds of talks.
Second, it is a fact of my faith that you must get married and have a family in order to reach the highest level of exaltation. That is true for both men and women, so a righteous married woman is further down that path to be with Heavenly Father than me, a righteous single woman. You can say no, no, you can make covenants later. Well, that is later and they get to make those covenants now. Sigh…
Third, I know the chances of me being able to have a baby on this earth are extremely small and the older I get the smaller they get, so the talks about how great it is to have children can be painful. I’m not the most baby-yearning person in the world but it does hurt sometimes that the option probably won’t even be available to me.
Fourth, Mothers Day is a day where you have to hear over and over again ‘look what righteous thing you don’t have’ and I can only take so much of that. We basically put motherhood on the same level as the priesthood; however, a man can progress in the priesthood through their own righteous activities; where a woman can only get so far. This can be very frustrating. It is true but frustrating.
Now, no need to panic. I know the church is true but that doesn’t mean my life doesn’t feel discouraging at times.
So, today I felt sad. Sad about Mothers Day and I wanted to talk about whether I should come next week to do my calling or go to singles ward again like I did last year. I wanted to talk to the bishop and get some counsel on how to deal with this week every year. When a meeting proved impossible, I felt sad. I think that’s ok to be sad. Its part of life.
Luckily I have a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me and an earthly father who is ALWAYS behind me 100%. Still, Mothers Day is hard and I miss my old singles ward and my bishop. No getting around that. Missing is a natural human reaction and I am oh so human. I am not like Moroni and able to cope without both Godly and human support. Sigh…
Btw- I have the best Mother a girl could have. Happy Mothers Day Mom!