Tag: goals

Bully / It Gets Better

This may be the post I am the most proud of. I hope it comes across the way I intend.  I hope it inspires someone.

Today for Family Home Evening I decided to see the controversial documentary Bully.   This has been something I’ve been a bit anxious for but knew I needed to do because of my own experience being bullied.  The odd part about the movie is I wasn’t that emotional while watching but then as soon as I got in my car I started to bawl. I felt all emotions of anger, frustration, despair and a little bit of hope.

Some have criticized the movie because it doesn’t go into the mindset of the bullies themselves.  My response is that every story cannot tell every story.  This is a movie about the victims and how futile the school system is in helping deal with these problems.  Granted their task is daunting but the attitude of ‘kids will be kids’ is far too present.

There is one scene in the movie where a principal actually forces a little boy to shake hands with his tormentor (a valid concept until you find out this has happened again and again with the bully feigning an apology each time).

The victim has the courage to not shake hands and the teacher says

“You’re just like him”.

The boy says “Except I don’t hurt people”.

Can you imagine if we expected such things of adults? Do we expect rape victims to shake hands with their accusers and if they don’t are they ‘just like him.”?  It made me so mad I wanted to throw something at the screen.  I actually said ‘unbelievable’ out loud and then 2 girls in the theater looked at me.

One of my favorite moments was the Mom of a boy named Alex meeting with a principal that despite proof of abuse on a bus claimed ‘I’ve ridden that bus and they are good as gold’.  The Mother says ‘When I was a child that bus would have been pulled over until the bad behavior stopped’.  That’s what we have lost.  Now I’m not advocating physical discipline for children but to pretend like adults have to sway over the behavior of children is just wrong.

Children should be safe and protected at home and school- in fact sometimes they need to be safer at school than in some homes.  I know in my case little was done to stop bullying that lasted for nearly 2 years despite repeated requests from my parents.

It is a complicated problem but a couple things I suggest:

1.  CHANGE SCHOOLS– My parents changing schools literally changed my life.  I was fortunate enough to be able to go to private school and then my family moved but there are always other options.  There are charter schools, online schools, homeschool, tutors, whatever.  Anything is better than someone being a in situation where they are tormented.  Its like sending an abused women into a closed building with their abuser 8 hours a day.  Be open-minded, pray for direction and you will find something else that works.

2. Teach your children about differences and expose them to a variety of people.  Talk to them about bullying and what they can do if they see someone who is being treated unkindly or most importantly being ignored.  Teach them to look for people that seem a little different and try to befriend them.  When they don’t like someone try to discuss what it is and how if possible they can learn to love that person.  I’m not saying they have to be friends with everyone, that isn’t realistic but each kid that tries is one less bully.

One of the Mom’s who lost her son to a bullying related suicide said ‘He cried and then it got to the point where he didn’t cry and then it became difficult to know what’s going on’.  Watch for those early tears…

3. Find something your child is good at and nourish that skill.  Everyone is good at something (or at least enjoys something) and usually you can find someone else who shares that interest.

4. Make sure your children have one person in their life who is an uncompromising cheerleader.  Parents have to discipline their children and say things they may not like but I was immeasurably benefited by several people who loved me unfailingly including my Grandpa Richards and my young women’s leader Sister Potter.  They never gave me ‘constructive criticism’.  I was always beautiful and perfect.  Everyone needs that kind of cheerleader.  Whether its a boys or girls club or a mentor look for that for your children.

5.  Speak out about your history being bullied.  Each of us that speaks adds another voice to the world, one more voice that says ‘It gets better’.  ‘It will be OK’.  ‘Don’t give up’. ‘God loves you’.

6. This is just my opinion but I think rough housing and mean joking should be avoided.  A lot of the bullying in the movie starts out as rough housing and honestly may be viewed by the bullies as just fun but it turns so fast.  One of the kids in the movie has a sister that teases him a little bit. At one point she says ‘LOSER spells Alex’.  Things like this are not helpful and should be disciplined when possible.  Again, I’m not a Mom so its just my opinion as an observer.

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/04/23/memories/

Here’s my voice:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

 

(Just to be clear when I talk about my accomplishments its not to brag but just to say ‘you can do whatever you want in your life’)

Some Achievments

So this week has been super stressful but I’ve learned and achieved a lot.

I haven’t decided on the surgery.  Still ruminating on it.  Luckily I can do it any time so it is entirely up to me.

I realized this week that I can only handle 1 non-work activity a day unless it is a weekend.  If I have other activities I almost never work out.  I just don’t have the time.  This week with 2 doctors appointments- eye and dentist, and vocal lesson/master class, I have only worked out twice (including tomorrow).   Perhaps I can do better on these crowded days but I may also have to accept that some weeks will be less intense workout wise.  I honestly don’t know how anyone exercises with all the distractions of kids.  I can hardly manage with my own distractions!

My trainer has been pushing me very hard lately and I’ve been eating well- ta da!  I lost 7 lbs since before Christmas!  I now weigh 257!  That’s 56 lbs lost in 3 years of working day in and day out.  As I told my friends ‘its a marathon not a sprint’.  I fully expect it will take another 3 years to lose the next 50.  Maybe others can lose faster but not me.

I have also signed up for the QUAC meet on the Feb 18th- I elected to go for the 50 free, 50 fly, and 500 free.  I think that will be a good amount- enough to push myself but not so much that I can’t have a little fun.  The meets aren’t quite as much fun as the open water swims but still I enjoy them. If you’ve never entered a master’s meet give it a try.  Anyone can do a 50 free.  Go for it!

I had another breakthrough today.  I went into TJ Max.  They had a sale on athletic wear which is my nemesis.  Low and behold I fit into a pair of athletic pants- regular sizes!  Victory! (Little things like that mean a lot!)

The other accomplishments is I have sprung free from the prison of my little food journal.  The sugar fast worked as a shock and awe of my system.  I feel good and very rarely want a sweet.  With that settled and my glucometer broken I was turning to my little book I’ve kept tedious notes in for the last year and change.  And you know what- it feels great!

I’ve always been a very independent person so it feels great to finally in a spot where I can trust myself.  I’ve actually developed this as my lifestyle.  Towards the end I realized I kept writing basically the same thing down everyday so why write at all.  I’ve always been an extremely independent woman and would rather just figure things out myself.  The journal was a tool to get me to this state and I feel for the moment it has served its useful course.

Without the journals I feel less like a test subject and more like an adult who doesn’t have to be monitored every moment.  I can make my own choices and make the right ones.  IF I go off track, my trainer will know and than back the journal will come!

I have it right by my TV staring me in the face.  I’m the same way with the sugar fast.  It motivates me by its potential resurgence.  Nooo! I can’t do that again so I better stick with the plan!

So, in a small way leaving that journal on the shelf is an accomplishment.

The journal is gone. Freedom!

Btw- never is there a more boring journal in the world.  Anyone hoping to find a drippy diary would be sorely disappointment (but that would be the case for all of my journals! That’s why I’m so awful when playing truth or dare.  Nothing dishy to tell!)

Next week trying a new endocrinologist.  Hopefully they will be better than my last 2 (I’ve had such rotten luck in that field).  I am sure he will take my A1C and I hope it is much lower than in July (5.3).  We will see!

You know what is probably the greatest accomplishment- I have become this new person.  I love the old person.  She is awesome but there is no denying my life is fundamentally different and I have changed.  My life story is fundamentally different because of the new layers I’ve added to it.   It’s like after my mission. I was still the same person in many ways but there was this new layer. There is something exciting about achieving a new version of yourself.

I’ve become a healthy person…Imagine that? 🙂

I love this photo. It was after one of the hardest workouts I've ever done. To me it looks like contentment. Contentment from a job well done, from a red face well deserved and a satisfaction of doing your very best at something very hard.

Same Old, Same Old

Oscar Wilde said “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”  Do you think that is true?

I used to think I was an exciting and adventurous person. As a child I could see myself traipsing off to Paris, Rome and the tropics (I evidently also saw an unending bank account!) and trying new and daring things like scuba diving, mountain climbing and cliff jumping (scuba diving is still a goal of mine).  I also thought I would be living in New York, DC or possibly abroad….

While I think there is value in new experiences, I have learned as an adult that I am the near-opposite of the vision for myself I had as a child.  I hate surprises, am completely unspontaneous and will always take the sure thing over an unknown.  Perhaps this is a safe way to live life but if it is what gives you happiness can that be bad?

Rather than being safe I look at it as knowing what I like and being confident in those choices.  For example,  I have read North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell at least 3 times a year for the last 4 years and I probably will continue reading it over again for the rest of my life.  I love the experience of reading that book and have yet to find a replacement that is as satisfactory. (I was just talking to a girl who said she has never reread a book in her life.  I wouldn’t read much if that was my philosophy!)

For me repetition does not diminish a good experience.   The things I like I could do again and again.  I honestly think I could eat a jamba juice every day of my life and never tire of it, or spaghetti, or subs.  I love Hawaii and really feel no desire to vacation anywhere else.  I think about going somewhere new and while that sounds exciting my heart keeps tugging me back to Hawaii.  Its what I know I will love and just like Gaskell or jamba juice there is some comfort in a sure thing.

I have always loved to swim and whether it be boating, open water, ocean or pool, I love being in the water.  I could swim every day for the rest of my life and never tire of it.  Sometimes I wonder if I should take up other sports just to keep challenging myself but there isn’t anything else I feel a desire to do.  All I want to do is swim! (In fact, every other athletic activity is somewhat repellent to me including things everyone loves like hiking or dancing).

With movies and television you can see this personality trait. I’ve seen Bringing up Baby, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and You’ve Got Mail untold numbers of times and I still love all 3 and could watch them again right now without any reduction in viewing enjoyment.  The other day I watched the new season of the Simpsons and it is still making me laugh after 22 years. Same basic gags but if they work, they work.

Other examples are in music.  I’ve had a playlist I made a year or so ago that is my go-to.  It has all of my favorite songs and I put it on recycle and listen to it again and again.  The other day I was driving with my sister and she said “Can we listen to something other than the playlist that you have on all the time”.  Sometimes I forget that not everyone enjoys repetition the way I do!

In the first area of my mission there was a sandwich shop we would frequent and every time we went I got a reuben sandwich.  Finally my companion in frustration said “try something different why don’t you!”.  So I did and you know what- it wasn’t as good as the reuben and I left the store wishing I had gotten the sure thing.

What do you think of this trait? Some might say “I’m in a rut” but I see it as being self-aware and cognizant of what makes me happy. Besides, isn’t there a point in life where you stop trying to figure out what you love and just love the things you have? But on the other side I sometimes worry that I don’t push myself and end up as a boring person, which is not what I want.

A few years ago my friend Camille did a post of things we may not know about her and despite knowing her for years and living with her for 2 as a roommate, there were several things on the list that I didn’t know.  I tried to come up with such a list and it was an epic failure.  I couldn’t think of anything about myself that my friends didn’t know.  Not one thing! I am the lamest person to play truth or dare with because I really have nothing interesting to tell! Being so predictable and open seems like a bad thing?

My friend Raelene has this bucket list of all these things she wants to do in life- the places she wants to go, experiences to have, possessions/homes she’d like to gain.  I have never been this type of dreamer.  I am content with what I’ve got and honestly feel no desire to have much more.  If it happens that’s great but I could live in my apartment, by myself, with an occasional trip to Hawaii and be perfectly content for the rest of my life.

Most girls I know hate being single and daydream of a different life.  I really don’t.  I like my life. Its a sure thing and in some ways getting married would be super scary (although if the experience happens that would be great but adapting to a whole new life would be hard). If it happens that’s great but if it doesn’t I’m fine too.

Thoughts? Do you think consistency is good or bad thing? Should I feel compelled to ‘break out of my shell’ or am I fine just the way I am? What do you think about your life and being ‘in a rut’?

Progress!


in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.

Theodore Roosevelt

Well certainty this year I have been doing many things and amidst the continuing struggles it is very rewarding to see genuine progress and growth in my life, particularly satisfying with the physical fitness/health goals.  I share this not to boast but to include you in my achievements.  I am so excited!

Today I had my ‘boot camp’ with my trainer.  This is a meeting we do every 6-8 weeks to diagnose my physical conditioning is improving, staying the same or getting worse.  So far I have seen improvement in every area except for the stairs (I hate those stairs!).  I won’t bore you with all of the routines but it was so satisfying to do more than I did before, to see progress. I am also not nearly as sore today as I was anticipating from a tough work out.

Things are improving and that makes me smile!

After the ‘boot camp’ I weighed in at 261.  That’s 3 lb lost since the end of August.  I am picking up the pace on the dieting through the tough holiday season and hopefully the weight will come off.  (The more it does, the less stress on my muscles which is important for the fibromyalgia).

If you can believe it, I have only lost 10 lbs since the beginning of the year.  On first glance, this might seem like a disappointment but when you think of everything I have been through this year from meds, surgery, swims and everything else it is understandable.

What made me more excited is when I took my measurements for biceps, shoulders, abdomen and hips, there were significant changes in all 4 measurements!

Take a look at these charts.  I believe you will see a great deal of  improvement and much progress! Hurray!

Look at the improvement!!!!!


Down by 3 inches in that critical abdomen area.  Hurray!

Shoulders and torso down by 4 inches!

The hips show the least amount of change but that’s no surprise we Wagners love to hang on to those hips!

Open Water Swim

I’ve sat down to write this post several times but each time I’ve struggled to find the words to describe my experience in my first open water swim.  When I try to sound triumphant it seems cloying, when simply describing the event it feels ordinary.

Nevertheless, I will do my best to give you an idea of what the day meant to me.

Walt Disney once said that “the real trouble with the world is too many people grow up.  They forget.  They don’t remember what it’s like to be 12 years old.”   While this may be true with some adults, it is not the case for those of us who grow up overweight.

Believe me we remember what it is like to be 12 and fat.

I wish I could forget the searing images of being bullied and called terrible names. I wish I could forget being looked over and marginalized because of something that I had little control over.

How might you ask did I emerge from childhood with a happy disposition (the blog is after all called Smiling LDS girl!)  and confident demeanor?  There are many answers including most importantly my faith but one small answer is that I found swimming.

I have always loved to swim.  In fact, anything with water has, and always will, make me happy- whether it is boating with my family or spending the afternoon at a neighborhood pool there is something about the water that is freeing.  It was also the only athletic activity which I felt competitive and that did not flair up my asthma/bad feet.

me in high school swim team photo. We changed uniforms my sophomore year which is why I got to take home the jacket I still have.

When I was in high school I decided to join the swim team and thankfully they had an open enrollment policy- meaning every student who wanted to participate could.  In my 3 years on the team I learned how to do strokes properly and competed in races where I actually turned in decent times. (I was one of the only girls that was willing to swim butterfly so that became a bit of a specialty for me!).  Its amazing how once those strokes are in your head you never forget them.  I still do my freestyle in the S shape that Coach Cowperthwaite taught me (yes, that was her name!).   In fact, it is very difficult to change any part of my stroke because it is so ingrained in my body.

Seared in my memory is also the feeling of weightlessness (a big thing for a fat girl to experience) that would overtake me upon entering the water.  I still love nothing more than diving into water, and I agree with my sister who once said- “swimming is the closest thing to flying we have on earth”.  It is freedom, it is lightness, it is happiness!

In my sophomore year I took a life guarding course and believe it or not obtained my certification.  I can’t explain what that meant for a fat girl- to complete a certification in something so difficult.  I remember in particular we had to tread for 10 minutes with a 10 lb brick, and I did it!

Anyway, back to Saturday.

I awoke bright and early to face my challenging swim.  I was a mess of nerves and emotion- what if I failed, what if I got a cramp mid-race and had to stop, what if my paddler didn’t show up or what if they had to cancel the race?  (You get the idea).

As a nod to my former self I wore my old high school swim team jacket.  (Yes, for once my pack-rat tendencies paid off! I have my old swim cap also but it has a rip).

this is my old high school swim team jacket. It says Middletown Knights on the back.

After arriving at the race I met with my paddler who was amazing.   Despite having never met, he seemed to get my story and believe in me. I am so grateful for his sacrifice of a Saturday morning sleep to help me. I told him he was my ‘guardian angel’ for the day.

My paddler Neil.

Everyone associated with the race was wonderful and encouraging.  Again, they seemed to all get that this was more then just a routine event for me. (All together I think there were about 65 racers- plus paddlers to accompany them, so it was a pretty big crowd).

Me with one of the awesome swimmers Erin

Once we gathered to begin the race the day started on a good, surprising note!  They had a raffle and I won the big prize!  (I tell you fortune was smiling upon me the whole day!).  I won a kayak!  It is a one person seated kayak that will be great for future races and trips to the lake.  I never win anything! (Thank goodness I have a van to take it home in. :))

Then the 10 mile swimmers started (can you believe that! 10 miles!), 10 k, 5 k (most popular) and finally it was time for my race.  There were 10 other swimmers for the 1 mile swim including a little girl who proudly announced “I’m going to win. My sister won and so will I”.  I think she came in second but still I admired her confidence.

With the sound of the whistle into the water I went swimming with all my heart.  I was significantly slower than my competitors but that didn’t matter to me.  I had the encouragement of my paddler and a lifetime of love for the water pushing me forward.   Plus, I could just feel the prayers and thoughts of my family, friends and trainers who have invested so much in getting me in that water.

An open water swim is both a mental and physical game.  I had done one mile swims before but never one quite like this.  About 1/3rd of the way through it felt like I would never get to the 1/2 mile marker, and the same for the last stretch.  It almost seems like a mirage and the end does not feel real until you are minutes, mere feet away.  Thankfully I had my paddler and cheerleaders on the side pushing me to keep going.

When I finally crossed the finish line I was overcome with emotions and actually started to cry.  The ending could not have been more sweet if I had finished first.

(Btw, I did make my goal to finish in under an hour by 6 minutes.  54 minutes!)

It was as if I was giving a high-five to the 12-year-old and 16-year-old me- saying we did it!  I can tell you one thing- never was any medal more well-earned or more proudly displayed than the one I received for simply finishing!

At the risk of sounding cheesy I would just like to say something to the young girls out there who feel they are without worth- you can do great things in your life.  You are valuable and important.  If I can swim a mile today and could pass that life guarding test years ago, then you can do whatever you dream of doing.  Just set a goal, gather a team to help you and go and do it.

There is no doubt that the year and half of this fitness quest has been full of difficulties but Saturday made it all worth it.  It was truly one of the best days of my life.  Thank you to everyone for your support and love.  Now on to the next race- Slam the Dam in Vegas on October 1st.  Life is good!

Thank you also to everyone who worked hard to make the event a success.  Thank you especially to my paddler Neil and to Jim Hubbard who went out of his way to make sure I could race, as well as organizing the race for everyone else.  Thank you so much.  (Also, thanks to those who donated the kayak!)

Deer Creek Clinic

Yesterday was the best day of my life!  As you all know I have been working to complete my first mile open water swim.  The actual race is next Saturday but yesterday was the official clinic, and my first open water swim.  I think my facebook post says it all:

I did it! I did it! I did it! I swam in open water for a mile and held my own with people who had all done it before without a wetsuit. This is the best day of my life!

If you read my last post you know that I was very worried about not fitting into a wetsuit but it turned out my worries were ill founded.  There was no problem.  In fact, the water felt good.  The hardest part was keeping in a straight line (or they call it citing).  You have to hold your head slightly out of the water to see the spot in front of you and stay straight. This takes more energy and will take some getting used to but I think I had a pretty good start yesterday.   I was slower than everyone else but like I said in my status they all had more experience than me. For me it was just awesome to participate and finish.

Its hard to explain what swimming in this race means to me.  I don’t know if I can put it into words.  Its part dream of the last 18 months and dream of a high school swimmer who tried so hard to be good at something athletic.  I remember the day I got my lifeguarding certification in high school.  That was a big accomplishment for a fat girl.  I felt a similar serge of emotions yesterday.  I did it!  I did something really hard and I know next week will be even more amazing.  They said that each participant will get a medal and normally I think participatory medals are lame but this is one case where coming in last deserves a medal.  It is a lifetime of work, a lifetime of struggles, a lifetime of loving the water all rolled up into a mile of Deer Creek Reservoir.  I am more grateful than I can say to have found this opportunity and that I started this journey.  Wow its been tough but moments like yesterday make it all worth it. Its so worth it!

By the way, you can still register if you want to participate.  Its too late to get a t-shirt but you still can.  Go to http://www.deercreekopenwater.com/.

If you have any tips for racing- what to eat, how to train this week before, how to pace myself etc I would really appreciate it.  I need all the help I can get.

Is this not a happy face?:


The other exciting thing about yesterday is everyone was so nice.  I am very grateful to have stumbled upon this open water swim if anything for the contacts it will give me of other intense swimmers.  Everyone has been so accommodating including giving me a ride, coordinating a paddler and kayak and giving me advice for the race . Thank you so much!   I am so excited for the race.  If anybody is available I would love to have a friend at the race next week.  I found I was so tired yesterday that not having to drive was a welcome relief.  Plus, it would be nice to have someone to cheer me on.  It starts early (we have to be there by 7) so I understand if no one is interested.

Here’s a video of us swimming:

I can’t wait for next week!  It will be super hard but I know I can do it.

More Random Thoughts

Today I have a lot on my mind, so I’m afraid this will be another one of my random, all-over-the-place posts.

1. I just watched Say Yes to the Dress and it has me all fired up.  There is a girl who is a 20 (which is still a touch smaller than me).  She can’t fit into any of the sample plus size dresses (this is the Atlanta show which doesn’t seem to have the plus size selection of Kleinfelds).  Anyway, as she fails in trying on the bridal dresses the upset woman says “Its not that bad.  I’m not that big.  I’m not this horrible person”.  What is wrong with our culture that big girls feel their size is not just a health concern but a sin, an evil- that it makes you a horrible person.   It is a classic example of the prevalence of fat stigma in our culture.  It makes me crazy!

2. So the former political science grad  in me has been eating up this recent debt ceiling debate.  I find it fascinating to watch the back and forth and try to guess what is going to happen (not only now but in 2012 as well).   It is a source of pride for me that the principles I helped fight for in the tea party rallies are being instituted by both parties.  Of course, I am the biggest fan of the cut, cap and balance bill but I think any spending cuts are a step in the right direction.

I’ve also given it a lot of thought and I don’t know what I would do if I was in Congress.  I respect the representatives that are sticky to pure principles but I also understand those that are accepting a practical compromise. I will be very curious to see how everything plays out. What would you’all do and why?

the government listened to my sign! 🙂

3. Today I made delicious whole wheat banana bread.  It is really good and actually good for you.  Here is the recipe:

1/3 cup grape seed oil

1/2 cup clear agave

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 eggs

1 cup mashed bananas (2 large bananas, 4 small bananas)

1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 cup hot water

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Directions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
In a large bowl, beat oil and agave together. Add eggs, and mix well. Stir in bananas and vanilla. Stir in flour and salt. Add baking soda to hot water, stir to mix, and then add to batter. Blend in chopped nuts. Spread batter into a greased 9×5 inch loaf pan.
Bake for 55 to 60 minutes. Cool on wire rack for 1/2 hour before slicing

4. Relationships are so confusing.  Its like the great mystery of life.  How does anybody get together in the end?  It happens every day so we just accept it but it seems impossible sometimes.  We hear a million talks in the church about how great marriage is and how we should all get married- if someone would please tell me how to do that I will be glad to oblige?  Anyway, finding love is hard  and that’s all I have to say on the topic.

5.  I am in need of good book suggestions.  I just finished reading the July-September book club picks (Life as We Knew It, All Creatures Great and Small, Anne of Green Gables- 2 out of 3 were terrific).  I figure I can’t read the October book so quickly (I’ve read it before, the Book Theif, but I want it to be fresh for book club).  Anyway, I am looking for engaging, creative, whimsical books.  They can be sad or even tragic but it just has to be something with likable, interesting characters.  I like historical fiction, classics, high-quality chick literature, poetry, and even some fantasy.  Please send me your recommendations.  Even if you think it is not my cup of tea please let me know what you have enjoyed and I will give it a shot.

6. My quest for the open water swim is going well.  As I mentioned in a previous post I had a great effort last week.  It was exhausting but thrilling. I did 5 tough work outs in one week.  However, this week was not quite as successful because of some stomach upset.  I have stepped up my dosage of victoza and once again my body did not like it.  I was doing so well for weeks that I thought I could up the dosage but not so much. Anyway, we will see.  Including tomorrow I will get 4 workouts this week which is pretty good considering I had 2 sick days.  I just want to be ready for the swim.  Next Thursday I will do a practice swim so that will be a good test to see if I am prepared.  If not, I can wait for the October swim but I hope I can participate.  Wish me luck!

7.  Today is the end of week 1 for the cpap machine.  It has been a hard adjustment but I’m improving each day.  Its difficult to get used to sleeping with a mask and it is hard to keep it from leaking.  I also miss being able to read before going to sleep.  Thank goodness for ipods.  (Also, thankfully I am not in a couple because the mask is not a romantic look!).

this is at the sleep lab but my mask is basically the same. Darth Vader here we come!

So that’s my random thoughts.   Love you guys!