Tag: Christian

Blessings

Recently on pandora I came across my new favorite song.  Its written by a singer Laura Story who is a grammy nominated christian contemporary singer.   She describes writing the song:

“Blessings is just a bunch of songs about worshiping when life is hard”. Her husband Martin Elvington was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and she wondered “Why didn’t you just fix it, God? You’re all powerful and all loving… just fix it.” Later after mentioning her desire to return back to normal, her sister said “You know, I think the detour is actually the road.” She realized that “Spending time with [husband] Martin obviously makes me happy, but it makes me a better person. That’s the blessing of it”

Why didn’t you just fix it, God?  Why does it seem hard to get an answer when I’m trying?  Why is the answer no when I want it so bad?  Where are you?  All of those questions are felt by every believer from time to time.  I’ve even known people who let these questions take away the faith they do have.  Can’t they see that God does not weak Saints?  He wants us to be stronger than the greatest trials, even cancer in the case of Laura.

Here are the lyrics.  I love it so much:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

I certainly haven’t experienced the trials of some but the one’s I’ve had were still hard for me.  I love the line ‘what if the greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy’.  I get choked up a little when I sing that line.  The aching of this life is to reveal a greater thirst for everlasting glory . How beautiful is that?

I also love “When friends betray us. When darkness seems to win. We know that pain reminds this heart. That this is not, This is not our home It’s not our home”   Who has not felt betrayed and darkness seeming to win?  The pain does remind us that this is not our home, that God wants us to come back to him.  He loves us more than we will ever know.  Enough to give us ‘a thousand sleepless nights’.   He doesn’t want us to believe only when it is convenient.  He wants us to believe when it is hard.  That’s why faith is so powerful.

I love CS Lewis’ take on this concept “God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.”

I just wish everyone could believe and get through the tough times.  It’s so worth it.

Anyway, I don’t wish to preach to you but I just love this song.  I made a weak attempt to sing it.  Here you go.

https://smilingldsgirl.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/2013-07-17-12_35_41.mp3

Here is the real deal.  Laura Story Blessings

Great and Spacious Building

It is no secret that the last few weeks have probably been the hardest in what has become my continual struggle to lose weight and get in shape.  With the added burden of chest pains, exercising and even basic functions like breathing have been difficult.   (I go to the endocrinologist today and hopefully will be able to exercise as well).

Anyway, I have tried to be strong and keep going but it is hard to not feel sorry for myself every now and then.  I say that knowing many, if not most people, have far greater struggles than I do; however, it still can be frustrating to see one road block after another.  Sometimes it feels like my body is fighting against getting in shape, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?  Nevertheless, I have persisted and am not giving up on my goal.

That said, there is one weakness I would like to confess which still bothers me as I try to make these changes- the idea of the mocking crowds.

Let me explain…In the Book of Mormon there is a story in dream-form given to the ancient prophet Lehi.  In the dream he sees a variety of things but in the forefront is a tree full of bright fruit.  Later we learn this fruit is the ‘love of God’ or the atonement of Jesus Christ.  Once you have partaken of the fruit you are filled with indescribable joy and light.  Immediately you seek to share this joy with your loved ones in hopes they might feel it also.

However, when you look around there is a ‘great and spacious building’ standing south of the tree.  This building is grand in scale and full of people mocking the faithful for their adherence to the tree. Their mocking can be so overwhelming that some of the faithful abandon the tree and head into darkness.  Others are strong enough to resist and continue partaking of the glorious fruit.

I have been thinking about this story lately because there are a lot of people who mock overweight individuals like myself.  In the past their words were easier to brush off because I was happy with the way I was.  Its a bit hard to explain but in opening myself up to the need for change I have become more sensitive to harsh words.

To give you an idea, a woman named Maura Kelly wrote an opinion piece for Marie Claire.com about a new show staring two overweight people called Mike and Molly.  In the article she says, ‘I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything”.

She goes on, “To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.”

Why does this bother me so much?  I don’t know.  It just makes me crazy to think of someone looking at me in this way when I am trying so hard.  The saddest part is I think a lot of people share Kelly’s views of overweight individuals but don’t have the poor taste to admit it.   When I was younger someone I know used to take videos of fat people at parks or in the city and laugh at them, mocking them.   This stung deeply at the time and hurts me whenever I think of it.  The idea that someone is taking a video of me and laughing makes me nuts.

Getting back to the dream…I recognize such feelings exists because I am looking at the great and spacious building, not keeping my mind on the tree.  One of the things I dreaded about losing weight is your body becomes so much of your identity.  People immediately think  ‘Oh there’s Rachel.  She’s lost weight.’  What I would prefer is ‘Oh there’s Rachel.  She’s such a great person’.   However, I suppose such responses are part of human nature and are only an initial response with the latter coming soon after.

I just have to remember to keep looking at the tree.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me regardless of my size. I have known that since I was a little girl.  I know Jesus Christ died for me and that in His atonement He paid for my sins and felt all of my mild struggles.  I also know that my family loves and supports me regardless of my fitness choices.

I am also grateful for my Grandpa Richards who never saw me as the fat granddaughter, just his beautiful granddaughter.   He used to hold my face in his hands and tell me how beautiful I was, how my skin was flawless. It is a memory I will always hold dear- someone in my life saw me as perfect.  I know how that feels, and I am so grateful for it.  I know he is looking down on me and helping me each day.

I have received support from so many that I do not know why I let the faceless mob bother me.  It is something I am going to work at. I know as I turn more to the tree and feel of Jesus Christ’s love I will be happier and my burdens will be made light. I have faith in His love and His power.  I hope you all feel it in your life as you walk  your uniquely rocky road.

25 Things About Myself

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

I know these kind of things are lame but I actually like doing them.

1. I love to travel and if I had a ton of money I would vacation as much as possible.
2. I have 4 nieces and a step nephew who are the cutest ever.
3. The rest of my family dislikes tv but for some reason I love it. Favorite shows are How I Met Your Mother, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, The Simpsons, and 24.
4. I have whole sections of the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s memorized. It is my favorite movie.
5. I have a collection of Madame Alexander dolls. I got my first when I was 8 or 9 and now have 13.
6. I am an NPR junkie and love Car Talk, Radio West, This American Life and Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.
7. I have a phobia of most animals and birds. I don’t like being licked, touched, pecked at or any of the other behaviors of animals. It’s weird but true.
8. There is nothing I love more than a Broadway musical. Les Mis is my favorite and it is the only show I have seen twice on Broadway. Amazing.
9. I sometimes do crazy things like go on a singles cruise to Mexico by myself. I like the challenge of it.
10. One of my favorite things is having a good conversation with an old, devoted friend. Best in person, but the phone is great too.
11. I love book clubs and even started going to one in September that I found out about on Craigslist. It’s been great.
12. Reading is another passion of mine. All types of books. Currently I am enjoying the Confessions of a Shopaholic books by Sophie Kinsella. They are surprisingly good.
13. My favorite names for a boy and a girl have always been Christian and Lili.
14. One of my goals in life is to someday live by the ocean. Hopefully Hawaii but I will take any ocean.
15. I went to college with my mom pregnant. My mom had the baby after my first summer term of BYU.
16. I love to swim. Give me a good pool and I am happy.
17. My current Hollywood crush is on Jeffrey Dean Morgan; although, Hugh Jackman always makes me dizzy.
18. I love politics and find it interesting to look at all sides of issues.
19. I hate mingling at a party. I seem to never know what to say.
20. I hate fake cheese
21. I have a birthmark on the top of my head that is bright red. I guess that’s another reason why I won’t ever shave my head!
22. I never went to prom in high school. My junior year I was actually on the planning committee but I got appendicitis and had to miss it. Senior year we had moved to California.
23. My current favorite food is greek yogurt with fruit and honey. I love it and I normally don’t like yogurt.
24.I love entertaining and enjoy the process of planning a menu and inviting friends.
25. I don’t like driving and honestly I am not very good at it.

So, that’s 25 things. 🙂