Tag: children

Kids Have it Good

So I hated being a kid.  I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be more grown up, more mature.  While I could never go back to being told what to do and how to do it all the time (wasn’t good at that when I was a kid), there are some perks that I wouldn’t mind having.  (It’d be like the movie Big but in reverse, go back to being a kid.  Script in there!)

I was thinking about this today when I was trying to decide what to eat and nothing looked good.  I seem to shop all the time but never have much to eat or that I feel like eating.  (I know, a first world problem but there you go).   As I was staring into the fridge I couldn’t help but think ‘I wish my Mother was here to make me dinner…’.  My Mom is an excellent cook and I definitely didn’t appreciate the gift of having a delicious meal placed before me every night growing up.  What a treat that was!

This memory of my Mom’s cooking started me on the thought track listed below:

Reasons Kids Have it Made:

1. Food of Some Kind Provided to them (in most situations) 3 meals a day

2. They don’t have to do meal planning, shopping list making, or have spices for whatever is made (I am always short something when I cook)

3. They could read all day and it be considered a good thing

4. They have activities like piano lessons and art classes paid for and encouraged.

5. They have time to take piano lessons and art classes

6. They can act like fools and it is seen as charming, not idiotic

7.  They don’t have to worry about dating, relationships or your biological clock running out!

8. They have someone who plans birthday parties for them and Santa still brings them presents.

9. They get driven everywhere and are completely oblivious of road rage, distracted driving and trying to navigate through town

10. When they do chores around the house they get an allowance. Those end when you become an adult! 😉

11. Their only job is to learn and get along with people.  (That I am most envious of!)

12. They should be able to eat without freaking out over carbs, fat grams, sodium, sugar and dieting

13. They have more to look forward to than to look back on

14. They have someone to make them soup and go to the pharmacy when they are sick

15. They have someone to help them on projects or doing most anything.

16.  They can have imaginary friends and talk to themselves and everyone thinks it’s charming not psychotic

17.  They have leaders, teachers, parents and others who are all thinking of how they can challenge/entertain them

18.  They don’t have to work and worry about money

19. They don’t have to worry about politics, current events or anything they can’t control

20.  They still have energy at the end of the day!

So there you go.  Enjoy it kids while you can!  Goodness knows I should have!  (I guess when it comes down to it kids are lucky because they still, or should, have a Mother at home)

What would you add to the list?

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The Richer Sex

Recently a Time magazine piece and NPR broadcast caught my attention.  Both featured the author Liza Mundy who has written a book on the topic of the recent trend of  ‘women…overtaking men as America’s breadwinners’.   In the article she gives an example of the Hawkins family in Detroit, Michigan.  Despite growing up in traditional families with a working father, the Hawkins father, Danny, left the ‘crushing’ corporate world to be a stay at home Dad.

“He is a master of the shopping list, appointment calendar and household budget; he has served as treasurer of the PTA and the HOA; and on Halloween he did a statistical analysis of trick-or-treaters to gauge how much candy to buy next year. ”

“I told Susie several times that my job is to make her life easier, and I like doing it.”

Susie, the Mom says “We both have made sacrifices but your priority is to provide for your family- the love, the affection, the nurturing.  For us, its about what’s best for the family”.

The article then says “Assuming present trends continue by the next generation, more families will be supported by women than by men…In 2009 4 in 10 working wives out-earned their husbands- an increase of 50% from 20 years before”.  I found this to be an amazing statistic!

“Think about what this portends.  The primary role men have played since they departed the cave…to earn paychecks in the Mad Men era will be passed to women.  The impact will be felt everywhere, from the classroom to the boardroom to the bedroom, in how men and women work, play, shop, vote, save and share, and court and even love each other”.

I have to say I feel mostly positive about these changes.  While still a gap women have been working for decades to reduce the wage gap and be treated fairly for their hard earned labor.  Also, the work of a stay at home provider, traditionally a woman, was downgraded (even still can be downgraded today- Hillary Rosen!) and treated as nothing but watching soap operas and cleaning after kids.  As I’ve mentioned before on this blog despite having a wonderful stay at home Mom I didn’t see its value until I was an adult.  I wanted to do something important and in my young naivety that could only be done outside of the home, out in the big world.

Now hopefully men are getting a more appreciation for what women have been doing for years.  Also, the work in 2 income households is more shared than it ever was before.  It used to be that a woman would work full time and then still be expected to contribute more than her husband to the house/family responsibilities.  Now with more men learning domestic skills such as cooking and cleaning, these tasks are shared across sexes more than ever before.

“As for child rearing, men have become significantly more hands-on over the past generation, and that trend will only accelerate as more families let earning power rather than gender determine who is the primary parent.  While some women will struggle to adapt to more distant mothering, they may also relish seeing their children enjoying intimate relationships with their fathers”.

This seems like a good thing to me?  I grew up in a culture that is always talking about the nurturing gifts of women to the point where men can feel ostracized and less capable of bonding with their children.  I think both sexes are equally capable of loving and raising children.

I was discussing the ‘marriage crisis‘ with a friend the other day, and he said he felt pressure ‘to provide for a family’.  This surprised, even amazed me.  In the modern world I think most women see marriage as a team endeavor where both parties work to make a budget effective for a family.  For me I am not looking for the traditional male protector and provider role in a prospective partner.  I figure if I get married we will be a team and conquer any challenges that come our way together, not a husband guiding me through perilous waters to safety!

On a purely selfish perspective I love this change.  I love being able to go into commerce and experience both women and men in almost every situation.  I have had much better experiences with women doctors (more on that in a bit) and am grateful for the sacrifice they make to serve me in their chosen field.

In the article Mundy goes over the history of male/female relationships and even says ‘Evolutionary psychologists argued that dependence was women’s desired condition- that women were genetically driven to seek providers who could support their offspring. ”

But now “‘the deal is off.  High paying industrial jobs that once enabled a man with a high school education to bring home a family wage are disappearing and as women become co-breadwinners or primary breadwinners in more households, all kinds of assumptions about how the household works are changing such as the domestic division of labor and women’s ‘economic influence at both home and in public’.”

“A study found that in households where the husband brings in more income, buying decisions are made equally, but in households where the wife earns more, she typically makes twice as many buying decisions as the man”

Does this not put additional pressure on already over-burdened women?  Could that not be a negative?  Even if it isn’t, could women still feel a self-imposed pressure to do everything at home and work, despite a husbands efforts?

Other negatives-

The fluid nature of the role of manhood has changed.  While I abhor any notion of chauvinism there was an aspect to a traditional male role that is appealing.  A sense that man knew who he was and what he was supposed to do with his life.  Will Ferrell  and Seth Rogan have made careers out of playing lovable louts who don’t know what to do with their lives.   Traditionally men didn’t have the choices they now have because of the pressures of providing for a family.  Now so many seem to amble about waiting for the perfect job, perfect school, perfect woman.

Also, the desire of women to date and get married reduces when it is  difficult to meet a true and equal partner.  Why get married if you know you will have to provide for a family?  That’s the decision men have shouldered for centuries and women sometimes find it harder to answer than they might have expected. Also, why get married when you can live a happy life by yourself? Characters such as Robin on HIMYM are facing this dilemma.  She doesn’t want to get married but the eager-to-have-a-family Ted is dying to.   Do you see this change amongst your friends and family?

There is also the issue of women still making less money, particularly in certain fields, as men.  We’ve made huge improvements but still careers that are viewed as feminine such as teaching are vastly underpaid.  In addition, women still have a ways to go with entering leadership positions and running for public office.   As I mentioned in an earlier post, it is still difficult for most people to envision a woman as president. I wonder if that will change as these trends change?

And then there is the delicate issue of pregnancy (the age old female problem that women can’t pass on to men!).  Many jobs still make maternity leave a difficult prospect and the idea of being gone for a vacation let alone months of leave can be very scary.  As a breadwinner, can a woman sacrifice such time for her family and will the work-force tolerate it?  Naturally this causes people to put off having children, have less children or have no children at all (All 3 decisions which I support, it is just an interesting societal change).

Last year in the New York Times a doctor named Karen Sibert made huge waves with her article  Don’t Quit This Day Job.  She argued that women who have so much invested in their education to become doctors and don’t work in the field full time are denying society of the investment it has made in their services and from the services they can provide for the greater good:

“Medical education is supported by federal and state tax money both at the university level — student tuition doesn’t come close to covering the schools’ costs — and at the teaching hospitals where residents are trained. So if doctors aren’t making full use of their training, taxpayers are losing their investment. With a growing shortage of doctors in America, we can no longer afford to continue training doctors who don’t spend their careers in the full-time practice of medicine.”

I’m not saying I agree with the doctor (in fact, I think her assumption of an all-or-nothing deal is a bit crazy) but it is a conversation we need to have.  Women need to acknowledge that they may be asked to give up their career full time or that their husband may make this sacrifice (or that you are comfortable with outside childcare, or having no children)  Before you are married or have children it is good to ask yourself the question of what you are going to do and what you want your family to look like?

Whatever choice you make there will be sacrifices for both spouses and their children.  As a society we need to be aware of these choices and encourage a discussion.

We also need to make sure that both men and women are educated in domestic skills.  That they both know how to cook, clean and live on a budget.  I have known so many girls that can barely toast a bagel let alone cook for their families.

Part of these psychological adjustments in femininity and masculinity will go away in time as the differences between the sexes becomes smaller and smaller.  I know a lot of people that would see such a change as a very sad thing.  What do you think?  What do you think of stay-at-home-Dads and the new female breadwinners? Do you think this is a mostly a good or bad thing?

The article ends with this thought:

“It would be nice to imagine a world where employers make it possible for all mothers and fathers to work reasonable hours.  But some jobs will always require more than the eight hours a day.  For a woman, like a man, reaching the highest levels of achievement may depend on a sp0use willing to downshift.  What’s new is that the decisions about who dials back will be based on personal aptitude and what works best for each couple rather than outdated n0tions of which sex is better fitted to what”

Seems like a good thing to me…

Blogger in Training

Today I finished work a little early and started looking for photos of me at the 2002 Olympics (post to be coming on 10 year anniversary.  Still can’t find photos!).

As I was looking through my old stuff (yes, I am a pack-rat and yes, I love it!), I found a bunch of old newspapers my sister and I made, current events logs, and journals I kept.   The thing that is amazing is how little I’ve really changed.  The basic Rachel at 31 is in many ways the same at 8, 13, 15, etc.

I think the Jesuits might be right- “Give me the child of seven, and I will give you the man.”

A couple things that I noticed from looking at these journals.

First,  how much I craved being special, being recognized, being first.  For example, I HAD to have this photo taken by the crayons because it was special.  It wasn’t my Dad, the professional photographer, taking photos.  It wasn’t even the regular school shots.  It was different and fun.  The smile on my face shows a lot.

Even my reactions to the people in my life seemed to carry more meaning than they might to other children.  When Anna was just a baby we went to Disneyland and I write “I had an outrageous time in Disneyland.  I remember how Anna was always laughing when I tickled her! I also went on a lot of rides and had a lot of fun” (12-31-1991).  Isn’t it interesting that the laugh of a sister produced the same degree of glee as rides at Disneyland?

Second, express basically the same interests then as I have now. Entries like “today we went swimming for a whole hour” are common with big exclamation points. I speak about cooking and when my friend loses her brother in an accident I say ‘our family brought them food on Sunday and I made an apple pie (All by myself no help from Mom!!) with homemade flaky crust and I cut the apples…’.  See how independent and strong I was but with such a desire to serve those in need? I would still feel great about making an apple pie by myself (although I highly doubt I did so at the time!).

Third, I was always confident in my testimony of my church and in Jesus Christ.  October 21, 1990, “I love the Lord and Jesus Christ and I love it even more when you go to a place and have a great feeling and that place is the place where sins vanish.  In the stake center or a church building when you are baptized and confirmed”. At a very young age I knew that the church was true and I could always feel it, never doubted.  Once I made a decision I was done. Luckily for my parents, I made a lot of good choices!

At an older age (probably 13) I said “The thing about knowledge is once we have a testimony.  We must use it!  Missionary work is very important.  I know not everyone can be a full time missionary.  But we need  to use our knowledge to set a good example.  If a friend swears you must (underlined) tell them to stop.  Because it is better that you be embarrassed or picked on or made fun of than to make Heavenly Father sad” (quite a statement for a girl who was routinely picked on…).

Fourth, it is amazing is how knowledgeable and fascinated I was by the news of the day and I had no problem expressing my opinion on those subjects (sound like anyone you know?).  For example, after hearing one of President Clinton’s speeches I wrote:

“I’m sorry but I didn’t buy the President’s speech!  All the emphasis on working together and cutting taxes.  He sounded just like Rush Limbaugh.  If the president really plans to be better than great, but the Republican congress should not be in tears and all touched by Clinton’s speech though…The Republicans and the American’s just say to Clinton if you want to follow, follow, but you’re not leading” (Fall, 1994). What 13 year old says things like that? I love it!

Its funny I can totally see the strabimus problem in this photo. I notice it all the time now. Things are just slightly off symmetry.

I even had an opinion on Charles and Diana getting divorced, saying “I can see how their marriage went bad.  Charles being forced to marry.  I also think that when Charles married they were more in lust not in love.  Prince Charles should still be allowed to be King”

I just think it is amazing that a child even knew about such things and then had the gumption to venture an opinion. I even have entries where I talk about balancing the budget and cutting taxes.  In one of our newspapers I give an update on the 1991 primary presidential election and that ‘Bill Clinton is doing very well’.

In high school I wrote “When I was a little girl I thought that everyone was special and everyone liked everyone else no matter what they looked like”.  I think that was true, even about myself.  I thought that I was special and I still do… I had a great desire to make others happy.  I talk about sharing my testimony with others a lot because it was something that made me happy.

“Some think that they are too busy, or that they need Sunday to go on vacation or to fish, boat or ski.  we must all think about the opportunities we have everyday where we can influence people, and use them to benefit mankind.  We must not only attend church, we must live a life worthy of the church’s standards.  We must invite as many people as possible to activities. We shouldn’t count on the government to do everything…”

Can’t you just see the little blogger inside some of those words? I’ve hopefully polished it a bit and gotten a bit more open-minded but the core is there.  That desire to make others happy, to feel happy myself and to speak my mind is still with me.

One last quote

“What would happen if everyone made a special effort to love someone every day.  People would be friendlier and less people would turn to evil.  Too many people are trying to fit in with their friends instead of having their friends fit into their beliefs and personality.  The only people who are cool are the people who aren’t trying to be.  We need to realize that with just giving the friendship, people would have no reason to want to fit in and drug abuse and crime would drop.” (1992, school journal)

There you have it my friends…

Memories

To flee from memory
Had we the Wings
Many would fly
Inured to slower things
Birds with surprise
Would scan the cowering Van
Of men escaping
From the mind of man

Emily Dickinson

Memory is a strange thing and there are times I wish I could flee from mine.  Isn’t it odd how most of us  remember the painful moments with stunning clarity while the joyous times go by in a blur? Why is that?

In the excellent movie After Life (1998 Japanese film) the recently departed are required to choose one memory to be recreated and filmed for them to take on to the next stage.  After viewing the films the participant vanishes to an unknown fate.  The movie does a great job presenting different types of people who struggle to come up with a memory.  What is most important? What is the happiest memory in life? Some chose Disneyland or their weddings but others refuse to choose and feel their life is not worthwhile- not one memory.  If you have not seen After Life rent it on Netflix.  I promise you will get used to the subtitles.  It is well worth the effort.

The great Thornton Wilder play, Our Town, has a similar plot.  The lead character Emily must pick a memory to go back and view before moving on.  She tries to pick an inoxuious day- her 12th birthday but in reliving it she understands that no moment in life is without meaning and value.  In fact, it is the routine and ordinary that are often the most important.  As I mentioned in a previous post there is a filming of a Broadway version of Our Town staring Paul Newman that is worth checking out.

I bring this topic up only because lately I have found myself drifting to memories, some of them painful.  As much as I’d like to focus on the family vacations, hugs goodnight and nearly constant reading aloud, some of the memories that are the most vivid are the taunts, teases and frustrations.

There are two memories in particular that I can’t seem to erase from my mind (not that I want to).  The first one happened in the 5th grade (so around 10?).  As the chubbiest girl in school, I was repeatedly teased and called a ‘fat dog’ by my classmates.  One  day I was drinking from an outdoor water fountain and was trying to ignore the taunts.  Eventually one kid decided it would be funny to push me into the water and shove my dress above my head so my underwear showed to the world.  I remember this moment so well I could tell you the dress I was wearing.  It was nautical with little flags.  I’m a 30 year old woman and yet I still remember with pain the taunts of stupid 10-year-old punk kids.  Why?

The other memory which stands out I am almost hesitant to bring up.  My parents did such a great job with me that this was a rare misstep.   Around the same time of the teasing my parents sat me down for a talk.  I remember it as if it was yesterday.  We were on our deck in Salt Lake and they told me I needed to go on a diet and that ‘I weighed as much as some grown men’.  Then they gave me a tuna fish sandwich on pumpernickel bread with baby carrots.  It was the first time in my life  I was told I was fat by someone I loved and I think a bubble of childhood was burst.  I remember feeling confused and puzzled at how I had let this problem occur and what I was to do about it?  In the 20 years since, there has always been a part of me which has accepted my weight as my fault- as my great flaw, the one thing I couldn’t figure out or conquer.  How could a little girl be expected to overcome such a problem?

Of course, now I know that I likely suffered from insulin resistance problems back then.  In fact, with the early puberty, weight gain,  and fatigue, the diagnosis is obvious.  However, I did not know this information then- nor did my parents.  To their credit they did take me out of school almost immediately after they found out about the teasing and put me in Reid School– a decision which changed the way I learned and boosted my self-confidence at a critical junction (and made me a passionate supporter of alternative schooling for my entire life)

In addition, my parents have been unfailingly supportive of me, no matter my size.  The funny thing is I can only think of two other time’s growing up when they mentioned diets or losing weight again.  No parent is perfect and no child is ideal.  They did not know I had an insulin resistance problem and considering it took me the last 14 months to figure it out I do not hold it against them. I wish we had decided to get healthy as a family, instead of singling me out, but I know they did the best they could.  I always knew they loved me.  Like the Dickinson poem says I wish I could flee away from the memory.  I wish I didn’t have it and certainly that it wouldn’t be so vivid.

Perhaps, however, I would not be where I am today without such memories?  Who is to say?  I don’t know, but I think part of this life-changing process is coming to terms with how I arrived here- the good times and the bad.

Journaling My Life

“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior” Christina Baldwin

A collection of my journals/diaries

In the last few weeks I have learned a lot about myself through a voyage into my journals.  Since I was 8 years old I have kept one fairly regularly.  (I tell people I was a blogger from an early age.)

My sister and I both grew up avid writers. This, despite the fact that neither of my parents have ever kept a journal.  I am not sure where we picked it up? I know reading The Diary of Anne Frank was a big influence as well as the stories about romantic writers such as Jo March in Little Women and Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables.  I have also always loved letter writing (something my parents do not have any interest in either.)  From the earliest entries I have addressed my journal in letter form- beginning with ‘Dear Friend,’ and ending with some variation of ‘Love, Rachel’.

I must admit as I look at the ramblings of a young me it is hard to not feel nostalgic for the past.  In fact, a massive variety of emotions ensue upon opening each book.   Some of the experiences I recall vividly, such as the despair I felt at the passing of my beloved Grandpa  and cousin Lisa in 2001 within 2 weeks of each other. Other moments I’d forgotten about or remembered with a different slant. For instance, with each of my mother’s pregnancy I express feelings of fear and anxiety. (I recall this being a difficult time but I don’t remember being scared.)  On one such occasion after she had the baby I write I feel like  “a million blocks were taken off my shoulders” (October 7, 1996).

Several other themes stuck out to me as I read.  First is how often I talk about being tired, sore, exhausted, and worn out- even at the very young ages of 8 and 9.  How I wish I could reach out to the young me and give her the answers I now have?  I was probably experiencing a sugar high/low and didn’t know it!  Some people have doubted my story of struggling with weight from the age of 8-9.  Well, here’s a picture from 1990.

I still say a darn cute, if pudgy faced kid

This was a year later.  Don’t you just love the rockin fireplace background and the crimped hair!

From this young age I just kept gaining and could never figure out why

It also surprises me how much I thought about weight and how often I refer to getting in shape. For some reason, I have this picture of me as a mostly-confident kid, and I think in some ways I was, but obviously I had many moments of self-doubt, frustration and perhaps even self-loathing.

Many of the entries are predictable and probably full of the kind of details only interesting to me- grades in school, various friends over the years, squabbles with my family (some I hope the particular family members never read!) and other going’s-on in a young life.  One thing I’ve realized is that I was very independent growing up, but I was also in constant need of validation- validation from others that my choices were correct. Whether it was my taste of music, friends, books, movies, or activities I was almost never satisfied just to like something for my own fulfillment.  I’m not sure why this is but I recognize I still have some of this trait.  To a lesser extent,  but it’s still there.

The other lesson I take from reading these journals is my constant faith in the LDS Church, the Book of Mormon, God’s love  and in Christ’s sacrifice for my sins.  In years of chronicling my inner-most thoughts I do not have one entry expressing doubt or questioning.  I’m not saying I never did, but not in a dramatic, extended way.

October 21, 199o says (I have fixed the spelling but that is all), “I love the Lord and Jesus Christ and love it even more when you go to a place and have a great feeling and that place is the place where sins vanish.  In the stake center or church building when you are baptized and confirmed.”

Much later as a high school student I said, “I’m so grateful for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  He is my comforter and my best friend and I love him dearly.  It’s hard for me to comprehend what He did for all of us but I am grateful that he did.  I was once asked ‘ who in history I would like to meet’…My answer was decidedly sure.  I’d meet Jesus.  There is no one who has done more for me.” (April 2, 1999).

I love this photo. I was a senior in high school. I loved getting studio shots because they were rare and somehow I felt they made me look thin

I could give many more examples, but suffice it to say I am grateful for my faith and the grounding, comforting influence it has been throughout my life.  I think I would have been a lonely fat little girl/teen without it.

On a funny note, almost every angry, venting entry  has something to do with not wanting to work.  There is a hilarious diatribe about gardening (to this day I still detest gardening above all other chores):

Sept 4, 1995, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.  I wish my mother took this more to heart. Want- a garden, Way- have kids do all the work, Profit- a bunch of food you can buy in the store and is moldy anyway.”

Another entry from 1993 puts it more bluntly. (I was disappointed on this day because we were supposed to go boating but it was cold so we ended up working instead.  Also, a friend was supposed to come over but couldn’t. ):

“I finished cleaning my room.  When I grow up I am never going to make my kids do work.”  There are a lot of other examples-  my poor parents! Somehow they taught me to become a workaholic? (Well, my mission taught me that, but they helped!)

this is another one from my senior photos that I've always loved. One of the best photos ever taken of me.

I just wanted to share one more entry from June 1, 2000:

“Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me? I seem to see the world through different color glasses than everyone else.  In some ways I suppose that I am more well-liked for my peculiar nature but I still wonder why I have it? Well, I suppose I will never know and if years from now, dear friend, I am reading this and have figured the answer out, I ask only that I share that knowledge with friends and family who will most likely find it most interesting as I am sure they have long been wondering what makes me tick”

Sorry friends and family…I’m still working on the answer to that question! Thanks for putting up with me anyway.

A Good Laugh

With all the sadness in the world right now (Japan, Libya, Egypt…) sometimes it is nice to have a good laugh.  I don’t even have kids but I thought this was really funny.  I’m sure anyone with kids can relate.  Enjoy!

Things Learned From Children

1.  There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

2.  If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.  A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

5. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

6.  Baseballs make marks on ceilings

7.  You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

8.  When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

9.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

10.  The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.

12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

14.  A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak – it explodes.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

17. LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

18.  Duplos will not.

19. Super glue is forever.

20.  Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

21. McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.

22.  Ditto Tarzan.

23. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

24. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

25. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

26. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.{that durn hamster…}

27. The fire department has at least a 5 minute response time.

28. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy..

29. It will however make cats dizzy.

30. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

31.  Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

32.  Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

33.  You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

34.  Plastic toys do not like ovens.

35.  Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.

36.  A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

37.  2:00 AM is not a good time to hear, “Daddy, diapers don’t flush!”

38.  No time is a good time to hear, “Daddy, your tires are ‘hisssssing.'”

39.  You never want to hear, “Watch me fly!” coming from the roof.

40.  Nor do you want to hear, “Your new cell phone doesn’t work underwater.”

41.  Driveway seal coating and children DO NOT MIX!

42.  Never light fireworks inside.

43.  Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer.

44.  Bugs are not a dietary supplement.

45.  Walnuts make the blender act funny.

46.  Scissors and hair are often a dangerous combination.

47.  Collecting things is good.

48.  Collecting things that come out of your nose is not.

49.  Eating string is a bad hobby.

50.  Discovering string the next day is a disgusting hobby.

51.  Finger painting is good.

52.  Finger painting walls is dangerous.

53.  If you hear the words, “Can ya eat a lizard’s tail?” it’s too late.

54.  If you hear the words, “Guess what’s in my hands,” you don’t want to know.

55.  If you hear the words, “Guess what’s in my mouth,” you REALLY don’t want to know.

56.  ‘Fan’ and ‘flour’ should never be heard in the same sentence.

57.  The toilet does not make a permanent fish aquarium.

58.  Most toilets can not consume an entire roll of toilet paper without choking.

59.  Any sentence which contains the word ‘Oooops’ is bad.

60.  Any sentence beginning with, “How much do you love me?” means ‘prepare for bad news’.