Category: single life

Modern Friendshipping

So April has almost come and gone and it has been a jammed packed month. The Hallmarkies podcast has been doing great and we currently have a whole bunch of interviews and podcasts stored up ready to be played over the next month or so (or if one of us gets sick). Doing all this prep work, while still producing 2 shows a week (regular episode and tv recap) has been a bit overwhelming but very satisfying. I have also been keeping up my personal channel and had some great interviews/discussions and reviews on there.

As I was looking over the month it occurred to me amongst all the busyness very little of it was with in-person human contact. There are things I did alone like go see Hamilton so at least I was out of the house but with actual people it is pretty sparse:

I saw Ready Player One with Amber and then again with my book club friends (I missed book club this month because I didn’t have time to read it).

I saw Isle of Dogs with my friend Phaedra and that was a delight (both movie and time with friend).

I had Easter with my parents, grandma and brother.

I went to see Camelot with my parents and two of my friends were in it.

I attended study group for church (and church)

And that’s it! The rest including my job were all online. But oddly I do not feel malnourished or socially bereft. In fact, quite the reverse. In just the last week I will have done 5 podcasts including an interview with friends from Israel and Australia. I think it is pretty cool! I also posted to my movie blog and to rotoscopers.com and contributed to other social media posts.

I don’t know. What do you think? What is the right balance of in-person interactions with online? I know mine will never be close to equal but I at least try and make an effort to get outside and see friends in-person. It’s tough but I do the best I can.

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Feeling Happy and Hopeful

Hey guys! After being sick for a few weeks and feeling a little discouraged, I am feeling great at the moment!

The biggest thing that has me feeling on top of the world is on Sunday we had our first meeting of the new Mid-singles ward.  This is something I have been dreaming of an praying for these past 4 years I’ve been in the family ward. The first fireside was better than I could have imagined. I felt the spirit more than I have in literally years and there were quite a few people I recognized from former YSA wards, activities and committees.  I think it is going to be an excellent fit for me and great thing for my life!!

The bishop and other leaders spoke and I felt a connection with them right away and that is something I have missed with my recent wards. Family ward bishops are so busy with marriage counseling and welfare concerns (and the youth) that it is tough to even meet with them, let alone get the kind of attention a YSA bishop can give. I just have a good feeling about this new bishopric.

And honestly I can’t wait! I can’t wait for the activities and FHE and just to have renewed spirituality and focus in my life. I know I will have to do  my part but I feel excited and enthusiastic- and I haven’t felt that way for a long time about church. The gospel and my faith of course are always huge in my life but the church has taken a back seat the last few years. I hope that will change with this new ward. I’m going to do my best to make sure it changes.

Anyway, I am feeling very optimistic and encouraged. I am also feeling good because this week has been a great week over on my youtube channel. Through various situations I ended up doing 3 podcasts this week. Yesterday I talked about Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan with my friend Tom and then tonight I talked with my friend Mark about the Best Indie Films of 2016.

These discussions were so much fun. And then on Saturday I am talking Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with my friends Abby, Jeremy and Richard, which I am greatly looking forward too.  I’m almost at 1000 subscribers so if you aren’t subscribed help me out! I think you will really enjoy the content. Thanks so much!

Tomorrow I am going to see the Broadway touring company of Newsies which I can’t wait to see as I loved the musical movie growing up.  And then on Saturday I have book club where we are discussing 2 obscure Jane Austen novels- Love and Friendship and Lady Susan. I LOVED the new movie based on Lady Susan but called Love and Friendship. If you can find it see it!

So things are looking good for me. Oh and I am going swimming with Etsuko on Friday. We decided we needed to get in the water to assuage our guilt at not swimming the GSL this year. It will be so much fun!

I Have a Wonderful Life

wonderful life2

Merry Christmas friends!  I’ve had a wonderful Christmas Eve.  I worked out with my trainer, did some boxing and then went to Cinemark Draper to see It’s a Wonderful Life on the big screen- one of my all time favorite movies.  In the movie, George Bailey makes sacrifices for his friends over and over again. Life in return gives him many great moments but it also asks him to keep sacrificing  He finally reaches a breaking point where he can’t give another inch and is about to give up on life. It’s then that God intervenes, sends down Clarence and shows him what all that sacrificing meant to people.

Granted the life without George Bailey may be a little stark.  I for one have not saved anyone’s life or stopped someone from poisoning another person, so my ‘life without  me’ might not be a hell hole of debauchery and despair!  However, we have to also remember that they were dealing with a man about to kill himself so subtlety might not have worked.  I mean if they had shown him life being relatively the same that would be even more of a reason to jump off a bridge!

The thing that struck me today as I rewatched the film on Christmas Eve is how George was missing all the goodness given to him and focusing on the sacrifices. It was only when he stepped out of himself and saw things from another’s point of view he realized how precious not only his friends were but his life was as well. How easy is it to focus on the things you do not have, the trips you wish you could take, the spouse you wish you could have, the friends you wish you hung out with etc. Instead we should focus on the many things we do have in our life and the important role we all play to each other- even if it is not as dramatic as George Bailey and the citizens of Bedford Falls!

I guess I was thinking about this because I am alone on Christmas again.   I did spend Christmas Eve with my Grandma and other relatives and some of my family come to town on the 27th, but Christmas Day I am alone.  While it certainly wouldn’t be my choice, I am going to try and focus on the many people I have in my life and how good God has been to me this year.

In that spirit, I want to say thanks to all of you. I admit this year I have been a bit more divided between the two blogs and the youtube channel, but hopefully I’ve still provided good content to this blog.  I have certainly loved writing the more personal, eclectic entries here.  You all add so much to my life.  That’s not just lip service but true.  Thank you! I hope I add some small something to yours.

I hope you feel love this Christmas Day and know that ‘no man is a failure who has friends’- even online friends!

Merry Christmas and God bless you

no-man-is-a-failure

I Miss Casual

Guys I miss casual.  What do I mean by casual? Well, its not that I don’t have friends but its the type of friends you can have in 20s but almost never have in 30s.

Casual is having nothing to do on a Friday night, texting friends and all going to a movie.  That kind of thing never happens.

Casual is getting together to watch American Idol or Survivor every Wednesday night at your house.  That kind of thing never happens any more.

Casual is if I’m bored having someone to call and hang out with because they are also most likely bored. That kind of thing never happens.

Casual is stopping over to chat with friends, usually to bring them a flyer or something from church.  That kind of thing never happens. (all email now).

What we have in your 30s instead of casual is a calendar.  Everything is planned out and scheduled weeks in advance.  That is fine but there is something more relaxing about both the regularity and spontaneity of casual.  It was just so easy and now friendshipping is a lot of work.

Now even to meet a friend for lunch is a challenge.  Her schedule, my schedule are both busy and it’s tough.  Plus, about 80% of my friends don’t live in state any more and 99% have kids which is fine but usually requires more planning.

I know with book club I had to take a break because it was turning into this thing that I hated.  I felt like the book nag when it was supposed to be fun. It was such a chore trying to get people to come that I finally threw up my hands in frustration.

But I can be to blame too.  Just Saturday I missed the Hand Made Co-op (although I did message my friend as early as I could) . I had a terrible night with about 3 hours of sleep and I knew a drive up to Salt Lake wasn’t going to happen.  This was especially true because I would be going to Bountiful later that afternoon for the Open Water clinic.  I figured I had to pick one and with the GSL Open Water Swim coming up soon I knew I needed to be at the clinic.

So I can flake out on people too.  We all do.  It’s just tough to get people together.

That said, I suppose it is silly to pine for the past.  This is my life now and it isn’t casual.

Sigh…

My Favorite Post

This my friends is post 999 of this blog, which obviously means my next post will be my 1000th silly thought to all of you.  That’s 7 years of writing my life.  1000 posts! Can you believe it?

I thought long and hard on what to do to commemorate such an achievement and here’s what I’ve decided  This post I am going to share with you my favorite post.  Then for the 1000th I am going to revisit the very first post I ever did called The Freedom of Joblessness.

So out of 1000 posts which one is my favorite? It’s tough.  They are all kind of my babies and I worked very hard on them. But there is one post that was very difficult for me to write.  A post where I took a real risk and probably opened myself up more than any other post (which is saying a lot!).

I didn’t know how people would respond but was overwhelmed by people who told me, mostly privately, that my story was also theirs.

It was a post called Never Fall in Love

In the post I admitted to the world that I have never fallen in love like it is some kind of disease or confession:

“I’m 33 years old. I’ve never been in love.  I’ve never been kissed.  I’ve never had a break up or a heartache.  I’ve never had anything more than a crush from time to time and I honestly do not know why.  I really don’t.”

And there it was out there for the world to see.  For a while I felt a little embarrassed but why? It’s not like I had done something foolish or wrong.  I just hadn’t fallen in love yet.

Worried I would get people trying to make me feel better I implored them to let me work this problem out to its completion.

“Now before I start this line of thought- please, don’t placate me with assurances of my finding the right person and promises in heaven and not loosing hope.  I know such things and I agree but just for a second I want to put a question I’ve asked myself many times out there for all of you-

What if a human being never falls in love?  Can you live a full life and never fall in love?”

That last question is one I am still pondering. We after all believe in eternal families as fundamental to Heavenly Father’s plan. So I don’t know if it is possible to live a full life and never fall in love.  I really don’t.

So what do you do?

“Nothing.  As far as I have been able to figure out you just wait. Yes, you can workout and go to activities, date whenever you can, but none of that is any guarantee of falling in love.  Believe me I know.

You certainly can and must always be hopeful and happy with what you can control but it will probably always be this big part of being human that you don’t completely understand”

But here’s the key that I learned from writing the post.

“I guess the only thing I can say to my fellow love-lorn is that everyone has an ache of some kind…Everyone has regrets and wishes for something they never quite experienced and never enjoyed.  That’s what the atonement is for.

After all, as far as we know, Jesus never fell in love either, so we are in pretty good company”

And then I shared a talk from Dennis E Simmons where he talks about faith and the ‘but if not’ moments of life.  Having hope yet not finding love surely qualifies as such a moment.

At the end of the post I spoke out to those who are struggling and I think it encapsulates well why this blog is powerful at least to me.

“Hang in there! I know I’m not the only person out there who has wondered about this.  Please share your stories”

Through this blog I have been able to see I am not the only person out there.  Whether it is something silly as finding another soul who loves You’ve Got Mail or The Book Thief as much as I do or someone with a history of bullying or someone who loves to swim like I do, it is all so valuable to me.

It makes me feel like my life actually matters to someone and no post shows that more than Never Fall in Love.

What is your favorite post? Have any impacted you or your life?

Thoughts on Quiet

On such a night, or such a night,
Would anybody care
If such a little figure
Slipped quiet from its chair —
So quiet — Oh how quiet,
That nobody might know
But that the little figure
Rocked softer — to and fro —
On such a dawn, or such a dawn —
Would anybody sigh
That such a little figure
Too sound asleep did lieEmily Dickinson

I haven’t shared with you all any poetry in a long time but I found myself thinking of this verse today. You see, my house was empty and I was trying to recover from this darn cold and I couldn’t think of anything to watch so I found myself sitting and thinking.  In the words of Gaston ‘a dangerous pastime…’ It’s just so quiet sometimes when you are alone.

And I know you Moms are probably thinking ‘I would love nothing more than a quiet house all to myself for the day’ and there is some truth to that.  But I bet you wouldn’t find the quiet so refreshing if you knew those little voices weren’t ever coming back…

This is not an ‘oh feel sorry for me’ post.  It really isn’t.  It’s just a ‘today  I was alone and I noticed’.  What’s wrong with admitting that?  We all have our lonely moments, sometimes when we are surrounded by people.  It’s part of being human.  After all, if we never felt alone why would we need to turn to God?

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish for a companion to share these kind of experiences with.  Yeah, yeah I can hear you all saying ‘marriage is hard’ and ‘grass is always greener’.  Well, it is also ‘not meant for man to be alone’. Humans need companionship and sometimes I wish I had it. But I know God has His plan for me and I am doing my best to humbly follow His timeline for my life.  That doesn’t mean I don’t feel a little sad on those days when the house feels extra quiet. Again I’m only human…

I saw The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel this week and it is not a great movie but I liked it.  One of the things that I stood out to me is Maggie Smith’s character is a single woman who has never married.  However, she has found this place to live where she has an urban tribe of other seniors and a ‘child’ to help nurture in the Dev Patel character.  I had more of that in my 20s when sociability and friendshipping was so much easier but I hope I can get it again.  If I never meet Mr Sunshine I hope I can find an urban tribe like she does and maybe even a young person to help mentor.

In my 20’s I also had much younger siblings who looked to me for advice and guidance and family that lived nearby.  Now they are all grown up and my nieces are far away.  It makes me a little sad sometimes.

But again I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me.  I am greatly blessed. Mostly I have the miracle of all of you who are there to share in my silly life. Goodness knows why you have all read all these years but I am sure grateful.  I have a job I love, a social media presence that I think helps people, hobbies I love, great friends, a beautiful home and most importantly a faith in Jesus Christ that ensures I am never really alone.  That is never forgotten.

Thanks for letting me share and I love you all.  Can any of you relate to the quiet times when maybe it feels a little lonely in life? I’m sure I am not alone.  God bless.