Category: health

Waiting

strabismus surgery on my eye coming up Wednesday

I don’t know if there is anything worse than waiting. Especially waiting for something unpleasant.  I suppose waiting for your wedding day might not be so bad but waiting for surgery is the worst!  Trust me I know!

On Wednesday I have my strabismus surgery.  I had it last year and the recovery wasn’t too bad, but the day of the surgery was brutal. Recovering from the anesthesia was the worst of it. They also gave me lortab which made me sick and nauseated.  Hopefully this time now that they are changing that medicine my recovery from the anesthesia will be better.   I really don’t know how people undergo surgery just for cosmetic reasons.  The whole experience is awful.  A few months ago I had a discussion on facebook with some people that acted like cosmetic surgery was no bigger deal than a hair cut.  They clearly recover better than me!

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/one-eyed-vampire/

My doctor also said my recovery from the surgery will be more challenging this time.  I have scar tissue from last year that will cause more pain and redness.  (Pleasant to think of hah!  The mind reels!).    This time I am going to do some eye therapy to try and make the surgery stick.  I hope it does!  Anyone out there had experience with eye therapy?  Anyone out there had strabismus surgery and done anything to make it more effective afterwards?  I would love to hear any of your experiences.

In the meantime I am waiting.  I hate waiting.  On my mission my mission president made me right a 20 page paper on patience (He saw the academic in me and the impatience!).  I guess I am a bit of a control freak (aren’t most people in the end control freaks?  Don’t most people want to have control over their lives?).    That’s why I hate dating.  No control.

Anyway, it sucks.  Please come out and visit me Thursday-Sunday.  Would love it.  My Mother is coming into town tonight which is the joy of having surgery.  I get to be taken care of by my mother.  I have not been a needy kid and the downside of being from a family of 6 kids is that I rarely get the lone attention of my Mother and what girl doesn’t want that?   Thanks Mom!

I also get meals on Wednesday and Thursday from the Relief Society.  My first time! That’s the benefit of being in the family ward.

So how do you handle the waiting in your life?  In the end, I suppose all we can do is put the waiting in God’s hands and ask Him for strength and patience.  Like the scripture says “In your patience possess ye your souls” (Luke 21:19).

Please send prayers my way that the surgery will work and that my Doctor will be inspired and watched over.

strabismus surgery

Well, I will end with a joke:

Things you never want to hear your surgeon say:

• Now where did I put that scalpel…. I KNOW I just had it a minute ago…..
• Ooooppppssss!!!!!
• I need that hooky thing, you know the one with the little…..
• AhhhhhhhhChooooooo!
• What the hell is THAT ???
• Ok, now where should I put this
• I’m sooooo tired I can hardly see straight
• Damn! lost one of my contact
• Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
• Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness
• Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
• There go the lights again…
• Ya’ know… there’s big money in kidneys… and this guy’s got two of ’em
• Are his relatives waiting outside?
• What do you mean, “You want a divorce”!!!
• FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
• This scissor looks rusted
• Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
• Isn’t this the one with the really lousy insurance?
• Now where did this spider come in from
• Hmm!! Looks like I removed the wrong one!!!!!
• Yes, nurse, hand me the whatchamagigger and the doohickey and hold this whatchamicallit, while I get a hold of the thingamabob. Thanks

 

 

The Food Trifecta

So here’s the deal with food.  Over the years I’ve learned that all foods and recipes fall into three categories- it is either fast, cheap or healthy.  What I’ve found is you can usually get 2 out of 3 but the 3 out of 3 foods are very rare (egg dishes almost always fit all 3 but its still hard to find)

For instance, ramen noodles are fast and cheap but definitely not healthy.  A salad is usually fast (depending on chopping time) and healthy but isn’t cheap.  Homemade veggie burgers may be healthy and cheap but not fast.  Macaroni and cheese is fast and cheap but not healthy. Seafood like crab and mussels are healthy and fast but definitely not cheap. You get the idea.

In the end I think you have to pick which 2 areas you are going to focus on most.  If you have the budget than you can focus on fast and healthy.  If you don’t than focus on healthy and cheap.  If health isn’t as big a deal focus on fast and cheap.  Etc.

I just find this type of prioritizing to be helpful. You cannot focus on everything.  Perhaps with kids there is a fourth factor of ‘kid friendly’.  I’m not sure.

For me, I focus more on fast and healthy and less on cheap. Not that I’ll be buying caviar or lobster daily but its just where your focus is. To make things faster I may pay more to buy some salad bar items or prepared items from the deli.

I guess my trifecta doesn’t apply to deserts because let’s be honest 2 out of 3 would rarely apply.  I would just focus on taste for that category.

Taste is a given for anything I eat.  Above all it should be tasty! This is true except for protein drinks which I detest but drink anyway because they are good for me.  (And yes, I’ve tried ALL the brands…). Aside from protein drinks,  I prefer to not have an instant gag reflex when I swallow food. 🙂

What do you think of my trifecta?  Where do you fall on it?

Btw, I’m going on a diet tomorrow.  Not looking forward to it at all.  Please forgive me if I’m a bit grumpy.  Stupid diets…

Rachel’s Favorite Things

So today I am playing Oprah and am going to share some of my favorite things. Unfortunately I can’t give you free stuff so it might be less exciting but always fun to share.

Nantucket Bike Basket

First item I’m excited about is my new bike basket from LL Bean.  Isn’t it so cute and nice and deep to carry a bag of groceries or some mail 🙂

The Nantucket Bike Basket Co (talk about specialization) makes several baskets for LL Bean but this was my favorite.

http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/69236?feat=69237-ppxs&dds=y

The description on the website says “This durable bike basket is made from very fine rattan cane, woven for a classic, retro look. A replica of the style originally made in Nantucket during the whaling era of the 1920’s. Leather straps attach to your bike’s handlebars.”

What can be wrong with that?
It was actually hard to find a good bike basket so I’m thrilled with this find.

It is $39 with free shipping.

 

Edenbrooke by Julianne Donaldson

I rarely find a new book that I love.  It’s just hard to get through all the sludge to find something that is clean, engaging and that excites me. Certain genres are harder than others, romance and comedies being the most difficult. Recently I found a book by local author, Julianne Donaldson, called Edenbrooke, that totally won me over.

It is about a girl named Marianne who in the 18th century (Jane Austen era) is bored and lonely with the society at Bath and is sent to the estate of Edenbrooke where she faces some startling situations and a dramatic romance with the flirtatious Phillip.

I was expecting it to be fan fiction but I was engrossed.  It really had great momentum, fantastic romantic tension and wonderful character development. I think Donaldson did almost the impossible by writing a believable Austen-like story that is not over the top romantic but engages the reader.  It was certainly a bold undertaking and I think she totally pulled it off.

It actually had one thing Austen never has- romantic dialogue.  We get it in spades but not so much that it feels like a dime romance novel.  To me it was perfect.  (You know its a good book if you stop listening to the audiobook and start reading because you are dying to know what is going to happen).

Go find it! Read it!

                                                                                  GoPicnic.com

One of my biggest challenges is finding meals that are easy and healthy, especially when I’m exhausted. I need things to be fast, healthy and delicious.  Recently I discovered the gopicnic meals in a box.  They have 9 different boxed meals, 6 of which are gluten free.  Most are under 400 calories and loaded with protein.

I’m not going to say they are the most substantial meal but in a pinch they will do fine.  An example of one meal is:

Turkey Stick and Crunch Meal

  • Old Wisconsin Turkey Snack Stick
  • Popchips Barbeque Potato Chips
  • Niagara Natural Tropical Fruit Bites
  • Sweet Perry Orchards Baja Blend Fruit & Nut Mix
  • Enjoy Life Double Chocolate Cookie

Sounds pretty good hah? I love them as a replacement for fast food or after a work out.  They also worked great for a road trip.

On the gopicnic website you can sign up for a subscription and get them for as low as 3.30 a box.

 

The Middle

I’ve mentioned it briefly on this blog but I love the show The Middle. It has just finished up its 3rd season and I think it gets better and better each year.  The show tells the story of the Hoosiers middle America, Heck family, and their hilarious struggles with everyday living.

The family has a stressed out mom played by Patricia Heaton (much more likable here than in Everybody Loves Raymond).  The level-headed but not stupid Dad is played by Neil Flynn from Scrubs. They are a very realistic couple who  seem to enjoy one another.  It is not a continual complain session by the wife over the husbands dumb antics.

The real stars of the show, however, are the children in the Middle.  The oldest son Axel is played by Charlie McDermott and he is basically my brother as a teenager but maybe more athletic.  Most of the show he is in boxer shorts.  It is a great performance.

My favorite performance is by Eden Sher as middle daughter Sue.  The costume department gets the tween fashion look right and she is perfectly eager. Sue tries out for things and never makes them. (I can certainly relate to that!).  She is also eager to make friends and fit in but that eagerness makes her not fit in and make friends.  I love her!

The youngest Heck is played by Atticus Shaffer as oddball kid Brick.  It is another funny nerdy performance.

In the end the Heck’s feel like a real Hoosier family and they get all the Indiana details right from Colts shrines to trips to Brown County to Tasty Kake and Steak N Shake (regional specialties). As an honorary Hoosier I love the all the details.  Watching The Middle is like being back in Indiana with my friends. 🙂

Lands End Swimsuits

Yes, that’s me in a swimsuit and yes, I have no issues with that.  I’m a big girl and I look good in a swimsuit. Deal with it!

The reason I can say this is thanks to Lands End Swimwear.

They have a wide range of swimwear both casual and active and the thing I love the most about their suits is they have active wear for plus size.  All 3 of my suits are from Lands End.  I don’t know what I would have done without their unique suits.  It is so hard to find active wear for plus sizes and I appreciate their presence in the market.

This month I got my first non-plus size suit from them because I wanted a tankini for longer swims.  I don’t think I’ve ever looked better in a suit. Hurray!

I also like that Lands End has suits that are modest with a low leg line and without being super tight.  Thanks!

 

So there are some products I’m mad for at the moment.  Will keep you posted as I find more.

Fat Stigma Never Leaves

This is a fascinating book on the history of Fat Stigma. https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/fat-stigma/

I read this article this week about the lingering effects of fat stigma.  It kind of was a downer.  Basically the study showed women of identical height and weight, one that had lost 70 pounds of weight and another who was naturally thin.  “Those who had been obese in the past were perceived as less attractive than those who had always been thin, despite having identical height and weight.”

“The findings, published May 29 in the journal Obesity, suggest that the stigma of obesity is so powerful that it can continue even after an obese person has lost weight.”

Sigh…I guess its good I’m doing this for myself and not to please someone else.  I see that stigma exists with overweight individuals but I always assumed that stigma went away when the weight is lost.  You think it would make someone more attractive not less? I don’t get it.

Oh well, at least everyone in my life is supportive and as far as a dating stigma, what can you do? If God wants me to be with someone He will make it work. I have not given up the hope that there is someone out there who will be more impressed by my journey not less so.

Still, human beings confuse me sometimes!  Why do you think we have such stigma and why can’t we let go of such judgmental feelings?

Once-Obese Women Still Face Stigma, Study Finds

WEDNESDAY, May 30 (HealthDay News) — Even after they shed their excess pounds, formerly obese women still have to contend with “anti-fat prejudice,” according to a new study.

Researchers asked young women and men to read about women who had either lost 70 pounds of excess weight or had stayed the same weight (weight-stable), and who were either currently obese or currently thin.

The participants were then asked about some of the women’s attributes, including their attractiveness.

“We were surprised to find that currently thin women were viewed differently depending on their weight history,” study leader Janet Latner, of the University of Hawaii at Manoa, said in a news release from the University of Manchester, in England. “Those who had been obese in the past were perceived as less attractive than those who had always been thin, despite having identical height and weight.”

The participants also showed greater bias against obese people after they had read about women who had lost weight, compared to after reading about weight-stable women — regardless of whether the weight-stable women were thin or obese.

The findings, published May 29 in the journal Obesity, suggest that the stigma of obesity is so powerful that it can continue even after an obese person has lost weight.

The researchers said they were particularly troubled by the finding that participants’ negative attitudes towards obese people increased when they were falsely told that body weight is easily controlled.

“The message we often hear from society is that weight is highly controllable, but the best science in the obesity field at the moment suggests that one’s physiology and genetics, as well as the food environment, are the really big players in one’s weight status and weight loss,” study co-author Kerry O’Brien, from the University of Manchester School of Psychological Sciences and Monash University in Melbourne, in Australia, noted in the news release.

“Weight status actually appears rather uncontrollable, regardless of one’s willpower, knowledge and dedication. Yet many people who are perceived as ‘fat’ are struggling in vain to lose weight in order to escape this painful social stigma. We need to rethink our approaches to, and views of, weight and obesity,” O’Brien noted.

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/fat-stigma-biggest-loser/

Calmness

So this week has been tough.  Lots of drama from lots of sources including most prominently myself.  I think when it comes down to it seeing that 289 scared me.  It made me feel like 3 years of effort was all for not, and that’s a scary thought.  Everyone likes to think that their life has value and that they aren’t wasting time on a fool’s errand. For it to seemingly all go away was almost more than I could process.

It still scares me but I’ve made some progress-

Well, I went to my gym today.  Met with the dietician and it was actually pretty helpful.  We have some good plans that I’ve already implemented and we will see how it goes.  Then I met with my trainer who has stood by me for 2 years through it all.  I’m not going to lie there were tears and frustration and then smiles. The good news is I weighed using the fancy scale at the gym and it said 277.  Still a gain but only 4 lbs.  That I can live with without a panic attack!

Now I’m moving forward and going to do all I can to be successful.  If the meds make me gain despite all I can do than so be it.  My journey will still have meaning even if I get back to 313.  If that happens I can start again and keep trying.

Facing that fear of regression is actually a huge victory.  I’m sure anyone out there that has lost has had to face a similar fear.

Thanks in advance for all your support as I  get ready for this race and achieve greater health in my body.  I know it will be a rocky road ahead but I am determined to push forward, and try again.

I still wonder what it is that God is trying to teach me and why does this have to be so hard? I’m not ashamed to say I don’t know the answer but someday I will.  He knows and He is guiding me each day.

I thought of my favorite author today.  The book, aside from scripture, that I read when I feel sad or hopeless- A Gift from the Sea by Anne Marrow Lindbergh.  I just love it.

Here are some quotes from it that I love and felt strongly today.

Don’t wish me happiness – I don’t expect to be happy it’s gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor – I will need them all.

“I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God.”

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith.

For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair.

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.

I feel we are all islands – in a common sea.

Anyway, hope you all have a great Memorial Day.  Hugs from your smilingldsgirl.

Pain or Fat?

So recently I’ve been presented with a question- would I rather be skinny or free from pain?  The answer is undeniably free from pain.   Last year I started having chronic pain in my ribcage and chest area.  After over a year of doctors and misdiagnosis I finally found something that helped with the pain- turns out I have a low thyroid.

In February the doctor put me on levothyroxine and the results were amazing.  My pain was reduced almost immediately.  I can’t tell you what a relief this was for me.  It was like a nearly 2 year monkey was finally off of my back.  My recovery from exercise improved considerably; thereby allowing me to push harder in my sets and train more frequently.

Last week, for instance, I had 5 days of intense training, one right after another. These were no ordinary workouts and yet Sunday came around and I felt pretty good.  A little bit of pain but nothing compared to the overwhelming, almost debilitating pain I experienced last year.

This was all very exciting! On Tuesday I went in for my second follow up appointment.  My trainer had noticed I had gained weight in February but I had dismissed it as one of those things.  You can imagine my shock that I was back up to 284! I blame the medicine because its the only major change that has occurred during that time period.  I was so frustrated.  Don’t most people lose weight when taking thyroid meds?  Naturally my freakish body can never have a normal reaction to anything.  It always has to be complicated.

Basically my doctor told me that the thyroid meds mess up your metabolism in good and bad ways.  Unfortunately they make you super sensitive to bad carbs and sugar.  Now I was not eating much sugar previous to this appointment but I was trying to work it in with moderation.  Evidently with this medicine I can’t have any of it. 😦

Its frustrating because in many ways I feel like I am setting myself up for eventual failure.  Nobody is perfect all the time in a diet and clearly moderation is not good enough.  I gained nearly 15 lbs since I started taking the meds despite my careful eating and training!

The thing is that I feel great! I feel energetic and healthy.  I think I look great.  So why does the stupid scale matter?  Maybe it shouldn’t.  Its just I worked so hard to lose that weight.  Took 3 years out of my life and to see it go away was so disheartening.  Thank goodness for my music because it was the lift I needed this week.

I also get frustrated being on the extreme diets because I feel like they make me super self-critical and over-introspective.  I feel guilty for everything I do, nothing seems quite good enough.  That’s why I avoided dieting for so long because it turns me into this person I hate.  People say ‘don’t diet.  Just make small lifestyle changes’.  Well, I’m sorry but small lifestyle changes don’t work.  I gained 15lbs on moderation and lifestyle changes!

For some reason going hard core is the only thing that seems to work and I refuse to have weight loss surgery. It seems like I’m stuck. Ahhhh! And then I think of that woman on the plane who wouldn’t sit next to me and I remember that so many people still see me as a fattie who disgusts them.  The whole thing makes me crazy and feel so frustrated.  I don’t know what to do but to try with the sugar fast and not give up.

In the end, I feel like I have to chose between feeling good and pain free and losing weight.  That is a really lame decision to have to make.  At least with the sugar fast I can tell my doctor confidently that I am doing all I can to eat right and exercise.  If I can’t keep it up forever well that’s a choice for another day.  I can do my best today and if I still gain what else can you do?

I just have to keep reminding myself that I did not start this process to improve my appearance.  I really didn’t.  I started this process because I wanted to have energy, to do more, to be more active.  I think anyone would be hard pressed to say I haven’t achieved that goal.

If it was the choice between looking a certain way and feeling pain what would you pick?  Be honest! Maybe God just wants me to look like this for some reason?  He’s gotten me to a healthy point but getting below 250 (my dream) seems to be an impossible task. I’ve been working so hard for over 3 years. Maybe I need to try something else? I don’t know but I am trying my best to not feel defeated and to keep trying. That’s all I can do- keep trying.

Still, its been a bit of a downer of a week.  Thanks everyone for your support no matter my size.  Thanks for reminding me that I’m still a good person and I’ve still accomplished great things no matter my weight.  Forget the stupid scale! (or at least try to…Sigh)

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2012/02/28/body-image/

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/maggie-goes-on-a-diet/

https://smilingldsgirl.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/skinny-skinny-skinny/

Sugar Fast 2.0

Yes you read right.  I have to go on the sugar fast again.  Urgh, groan, sigh…I went to the doctor’s today and I’ve been gaining weight since starting the thyroid meds (I know most people lose but leave it to my body to be weird).  Basically sugar is just problematic.  Especially with all the training I’m doing.  I have to make sure that I am eating the right kinds of food because my metabolism is all messed up.

On the plus side, I feel good.  I feel strong.  My pain is improving.  I know the meds are working.  My times are getting better and better.  I know I am a healthy person.

I just have to help them out by being extra strict.  I’m not going to lie to you- I’m not looking forward to it.  I’m starting slow- just perfect until next Saturday (I already have treat ordered for book club).

I just wish I could get to the point where I can be less intense.  I don’t think I can keep up perfection forever.  It makes me crazy! I’ve worked too hard to mess it up at this stage.  Just got to press on through.

Please accept my apologies in advance for the moaning and groaning I will assuredly do.

So, no sugar except for fruit, no white carbs…Sigh

This sucks but I’ve worked too hard to screw it up soon.  I just wish my body could behave like a normal human being and less of a freak show.  I’m so tired of getting a look of confusion from my doctor saying ‘Hmmm…This is unexpected?’.

Anyway, its been a frustrating day.  AHHHHHHH!

Before and After Scams

So how many times have you seen an ad for a diet and it shows a before and after photo of a participant with amazing results?  All the time.  Well, 20/20 had an expose on the diet industry on Friday and while most of it was old hat to me this segment stood out.  Evidently its an internet sensation with over 8 million hits but I’d never seen it.  I just had to share it with all of you:

I personally hate dieting and I know lifestyle changes are the important thing but let’s be honest to have significant results you do need make changes, which could be interpreted as a diet.  I sometimes feel resentful of all the sacrifices and things I have to give up. I’ve got a bit of a rebellious streak and I hate being told no.  I have friends who don’t eat dairy, grain, all meat, red meat, all starches,  fruit, all sweeteners, are vegan, vegetarian, eat raw, only organic etc. Not to mention no fast or processed food ever.  I even have a friend who won’t eat mushrooms because of some perceived health problem.  It sometimes makes me a little crazy.  You are going to take all that away from me and mushrooms…

I think most of all I miss baking.  I never make anything with yeast or that smells nice any more.  I never get out my cake decorating supplies.  In fact, my fondant has gotten all hard.  A sad, sad site…

Anyway, I do the best I can and am happy with my progress.  I’ve been training really hard for the upcoming race in the Great Salt Lake and I’m confident I will finish.  (First practice in lake this Wednesday!).  I’m certainly giving it my all.  This week I did 4 intense training sessions (I got a massage today and the lady said my upper back was total tightness.  That’s a swimmer for you!).  I also ate very well, including attending a raw food class on Tuesday that was a lot of fun (it was exactly what you would expect a raw food class to be like in every way.  Kate and I even got scolded for talking in class!)

You just have to keep plugging away day-by-day, try to make good choices, and don’t by into the quick fixes, trends and scams.  It will only lead to depression and a rapidly decreasing pocket book.

 

Unexpected 5K

So one of the hard things about changing to the family ward is the lack of activities.  We have not had a single ward activity and only 2 relief society activities.  In fact, the attitude seem to be against activities.  For instance, before one of the relief society activities the announcer reiterated several times ‘don’t feel any pressure to come. Only come if you want to come’.   This is a downer for me because I live alone and need activities to get to know anybody, especially now that they have me exiled to primary. Its not just activities but I’ve missed all the spiritual thoughts, FHE, firesides etc that you have in the singles ward.

Anyway, last week I decided to go ahead and attend activities in my singles ward again.  Why not?  Yesterday I checked my facebook and they announced a 5K in my ward.  They’ve done these 5K’s as a fitness challenge every once in a while and there probably was a lot of build up in the ward but this was the first time I heard about it.

Trying to be super intense this week in my exercise I decided to go for it.  I was a little nervous because the Turkey Trot in November had been so rough on my muscles.  I figured this would be a good test on my improvement and recovery since the thyroid diagnosis, so I decided to go for it.

Before the race

Fortunately I had friends to walk with and it went by much easier than the race in November. I felt energized and good.  (Of course, the race in November it was freeze raining and was exhausted from all the Thanksgiving prep).

At the end of the race. It was a great experience!

Even today I was a little sore but well enough to meet with my trainer!  I don’t think I had realized how much my pain level and recovery time has improved since I started on the thyroid treatment until yesterday.  It is so exciting!  It makes me all the more confident for my upcoming swim (which I am excited but freaked out for at the same time).

I feel like I have finally figured it out after all the junk I went through last year.  I am able to do something like a 5K without being near bedridden for the next 2 days.  I couldn’t say that in November.  Hurray!

Let’s just hope and pray that the progress continues and I am able to keep progressing, hopefully at an accelerated rate from last year. (Wouldn’t take much to make that happen!).

 

 

Success

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Bill Cosby

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.

Michael Jordan

Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it… Success is shy – it won’t come out while you’re watching.

Tennessee Williams

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Dale Carnegie

Ok.  So clearly this post is on success.  Its something that’s been on my  mind after a discussion with a friend of mine.  She was an inspiration to me to lose weight and get in shape.  She’s lost significant weight from her height and runs in 5k’s, has a trainer and is in my mind a complete success.   In fact, she’s enough of a success to be an inspiration, years ago. The interesting thing is when I was speaking with her she seemed to believe her journey was just starting, that she still had so much to lose, so much to achieve fitness-wise.  I’m not saying she felt like a failure but not as the finisher I saw.

It made me wonder if some people look at me that way, like I am a diet success when honestly I see failure a lot of the time?  Or at least mediocre success in my self-defeating moments.   Its just I thought I would be so much further along after 3+ years than I am.  I thought it would be so much easier (and honestly that’s a good thing or I would never have made the attempt.

Of course, that is only in my weak moments that we all have and then I quickly remind myself of how far I’ve come.  I certainly couldn’t have planned for chronic pain, eye surgery, thyroid problems, panic attacks, falling down a flight of stairs ect….

Still, it just made me wonder if people look at me and see something that I don’t see in myself.  See a success that I don’t get.  Do you ever wish you could be a fly on the wall and see the world as others see you?  Perhaps it would be terrifying but maybe not!

I guess that’s the nice thing about a blog.  It’s kind of a chance to be a fly on the wall and put yourself out there for the world.  I know all I can do is keep trying, doing my best, removing distorted thoughts as much as possible and setting new goals. That’s it!

Honestly the only thing that I really feel truly successful about are my friendships, my blog and my swims.  Everything else could use improvement and I’m Ok with that. Keep trying, keep moving forward.

Thoughts?  What means success to you, and who do you look at as successful?