There has been something on my mind lately, and I hope I can put it to words effectively. I’ve always been a very independent person. Even as a child I wanted to do things my way and forge my own path. However, I have also been a very social person that created very lasting and deep relationships. I would become friends with someone and that relationship could build me up but also wound me greatly if it was broken.
Lately things have changed for me in this department. I don’t want to sound cold because I’m not. I love my friends and family so much and enjoy my interactions with them greatly but I’m not dependent upon them in the same way I used to be. It probably shouldn’t have taken me to being nearly 40 to figure this out but I think I am finally emotionally self-sufficient.
What I mean by that is I am not reliant upon anyone else for my happiness or joy and I can’t be devastated the way that I used to be. I enjoy people and I love them but it’s just not as intense as it once was and I think it is a good thing. My main relationship in my life is with God and everyone else is a fun glorious addition to it.
Maybe someday I will fall in love and have an intense emotional relationship with a man I hope for. That will be amazing; however, even then, learning emotional self-sufficiency is a good thing. At least I would want to be in a relationship with someone who could stand on their own as long as they aren’t emotionally distant, which I don’t think I am.
Growing up I wanted to have relationships like the kindred spirits I read about but for now I’m happy to have good people in my life and be emotionally self-sufficient. I don’t know if that makes sense but it is a good thing for my mental health.
If any of you can relate I would love to hear your thoughts and comments.