So for the month of November I am going to be posting sections of my book so hopefully I can edit a little along the way. As I have previously said on the blog there are 2 main characters, Marnie and Becca. Becca is a stay at home Mom, army wife with 4 kids.
I want to share with you my introduction to Becca. As I’ve never been a stay at home Mom can all of you give me some feedback? I’d really appreciate it. You can message me if you feel more comfortable. Don’t worry about offending me. I’ve got very thick skin.
I haven’t had a chance to go over grammar so this is mainly on character and realism of the scene.
I will also be posting my introductory scene of Marnie probably tomorrow. Fun!
So here goes, Becca:
“Sir take a look at the scene?” Spencer says as he shows me the human view screen. I can see Marnie and Becca. They both look like they have been run over by a horse. Tired, haggard, worn out.
Becca is at her home surrounded by her four kids. “Mommy, TJ won’t leave me alone. He’s bothering me”
“That’s not true. Julie won’t stop bothering me” says JT
“Ugh. Would you both stop bothering me! Geesh. Could the 2 of you get along for one second!” Becca says with a hint of sarcasm.
“Mom, I have a book on hold at the library. Can we go pick it up?” Callie her 8 year old was brilliant but very persistent when she had a request. “Can we? Can we?”
“I don’t know. Cal. I will try. Can you go with a friend? I have to make dinner?”
“Wa, wa, wa, wa” The baby Addie falls and bangs her head as she crawls into the kitchen.
“Mom, can we go. Can we go?”
“Callie if you ask me one more time we are never going”
“What. That’s not fair” Callie begins to cry and storms off. Grabbing the baby Becca tries to calm her and kiss her forehead.
“Poor thing. Here’s some kisses”
“JT pulled my hair” Julie yelled pulling at Becca’s skirt.
“Look you go to your room, and you go to your room” pointing at JT and Julie. “I need you to think of how lucky you are to be a part of a family. Your father is counting on you to keep our family going while he’s away”
Becca’s husband is in the army and was on the tail end of a service deployment sent to help at Hurricane Teresa in Mississippi. While grateful that her husband had the chance to serve other people and the country sometimes she wished he could serve her more. Being a single Mom was hard.
“Look everyone the babysitter is coming and I am going to come in an hour and you are all to be on your best behavior. You’ve got it?”
Seemingly right on cue the phone rings. “Mom” “JT says. It’s for you!”
“Hi Mrs. Richmond it’s Claire and I’ve got a temperature and don’t think I can make it tonight. I’m sorry”
Becca’s heart sunk “What? How come you didn’t’ call sooner? Now it will be too late to get anyone else?”
“I’m sorry but I kept hoping I would feel better. I really am sorry” Claire says with a cough into the phone.
“That’s Ok. I hope you feel better. Take care. Bye”
Becca didn’t know if she was going to cry or scream. Tonight was to be her night off. Her night off to spend with her friend Marnie, her best friend from the time she was 8 years old. Lately it had seemed like they were living such different lives and they hadn’t seen each other for months. Something like this would always happen.
As she began to call Marnie’s number Addie pulled at the phone and began to cry. Babies seemed to know when they were just being held and not the center of attention. Everything was a mess. Everyone in the house basically hated her at the moment and her long anticipated relief was going down the tubes it was almost too much.
“Hi Marnie. I have bad news”
“Bad news?” Marnie would like to say she was surprised by Becca’s call but she’d learned to never buy tickets in advance for anything with her best friend. Reliable was not her middle name.
“You have to be kidding!”
“No. The babysitter called and she’s sick. There isn’t time to find anyone else. The kids are all upset and I have to make dinner. I’m really sorry”
“This is the 3rd time you have canceled on me. It’s not easy for me to free up time in my schedule” Marnie begins to say and then changes her tone not wanting to cause a scene “It’s ok. I understand”
“Let’s keep trying” Becca said in an exasperated tone.
“Ok. Love ya”
“Love ya back”