So dear readers here is a confession- I have never been kissed. I’ve never had a boyfriend. Never been on a date with someone more than twice. Yes, I’m 32 and a virgin in every sense of the words. Sigh…
I’d like to say that the reason I am clean is because I have withstood temptation. Alas I agree with John Bytheway when he asked his singles leaders ‘how do I get in a situation where I need to use these chastity talks?’ How indeed.
I don’t know why. I think I’m pretty, interesting, creative and a lot of fun, but it just hasn’t happened. I stopped feeling bad about it years ago and now only have momentary lapses of envy or regret (I’m human…)
I also really admire those that can wait to kiss until marriage. I think it is a great gift you could give your spouse. It is not required in my church but I like the concept nonetheless. I’ve saved those tender moments for my spouse it would be nice if he had too. Of course that is unlikely at 32 but I still think waiting to kiss each other until marriage is a nice concept and promise to each other. Its an example that you can work through things together and be strong. Keep a goal that is really hard.
Like I said, not required but I just think it is kind of nice when possible.
Anyway, I thought I would share with you the kissing scene I wrote for my last book. Nanowrimo is coming soon and I have a married and single character so its going to be interesting. I think its a pretty romantic yet clean scene. Makes me laugh. I’d be curious for your feedback
Oliver makes as if to leave but then notices my bookcase. I’ve never met a guy that is interested in my books and I feel instantly excited.
“Have you read all of these?” he asks.
“Yes, every one. Most of them in college.” I tell him about Dr. Thomas, being a teaching assistant, how much I love philosophy and the way it makes you think.
“If you don’t mind my asking how did you end up writing checks and entering invoices” he asks.
“That’s the billion dollar question. I guess I just took what was offered to me and I was fine with it while I was going through grad school but I couldn’t afford to be impractical then.”
“You’ve been to grad school” he says with a start.
“Yes, I did the work study program so I could keep my job and get my degree. It was great. Even though it was an MBA and not philosophy I loved learning new things every day. I know it makes me a super nerd but I really miss it. I wish I could find an excuse to go back”.
“Have you thought of grad school?” I ask.
“Well, it’s crossed my mind but nothing has felt right so far” he says sort of awkwardly. I figure he’s just tired. It is after 2 now. My Mother would definitely not like this scenario. Oh well, for some reason I didn’t care.
“I wish I could find a school that excited me as much as just reading seems to do. I hate describing what other people want me to say. I want to read something and react the way I see it, not some scholar or professor.” He says with more than a hint of frustration.
“That’s true. I always hated the teachers that spoon-fed me. Dr. Thomas was special because he let you speak your mind about anything we were reading. There was one kid who would argue with him about Marxism for the entire class session and at the end Dr. Thomas gave him a pat on the back and said ‘it takes a lot of guts to spar against the teacher. Great job’. Jamie is a good teacher like that. She lets her students grow and be creative. “
“She seems great” he says. “Have you ever read Schopenhauer in your classes?”
“It’s been a while but yes a bit of a pessimist for my taste but interesting” I respond cramming my brain for anything I remember about Schopenhauer but secretly thrilled to be asked about him.
Seeing the excitement in my eyes he goes on “He believed that love was nature’s trick, used to convince us to be together when we’d rather be alone. What do you think of that?”.
Blushing again. ‘I remember that. He must have been a laugh riot to have around. I heard once that he got refused by a huge crush and that made him so bitter. That must have been some crush”
Oliver looks at me with a wink. Maybe, I wonder to myself, I should take a hint from the bitter old philosopher and go to bed but I just can’t say goodbye.
Slightly changing the subject I get out my Lincoln biography and show him the inscription from Dr. Thomas.
“Last time I saw him, Dr. Thomas told me I was one of his favorites. He couldn’t believe what I was doing for my career but was proud of me, but truth is I want nothing more than to live up to this person that he saw, a person who he admired for ‘sticking up for the marginalized and fighting injustices’. That is my dream. If only I could figure out how God wanted me to do it. Then I could take that leap.”
I realize I’m rambling and Oliver is staring at me. “I wish I had a tenth of your ambition. Your goals. You’ve got to do it.”
Now I’m feeling more than a little awkward, so I stand up and say “Well, I’ve got to go to the soup kitchen tomorrow (what a nice excuse for getting rid of a cute boy)”
Unfortunately I don’t seem to have dissuaded him much and he is coming towards me. Before I know it his arms are around me and he is kissing me. I Rachel Marshall am being kissed by a handsome curly haired man who quotes philosophy! I try to kiss him back but honestly I’m kind of new at this thing so I follow his lead. It feels great. My whole body tingles and is alive. Who can go to sleep with such excitement? His lips feel soft and I hope he notices my vanilla scented hair. Before I know it his hands feel my waist and the sensation is like a jolt up my spine.
Suddenly I am flooded with all of those lessons at church about pureness and chastity. I guess it’s for moments like this that they drill it into us.
I pull away for a second but he kisses my cheek and I want to die. Why didn’t anyone tell me how great this was? Oh wait, everyone told me that.
My head is spinning. I’d already gone way past the holy hours but I couldn’t ignore all those lectures about a ‘man who really loves you will wait’.
“Wait” I say as I use all my will power. “I’ve got to stop” I realize this is a strange thing to say but how else do you say it?
“Sorry, I just got caught up in the moment” he says still holding on to my waist.
“No, thank you”. Who says thank you for being kissed? What a dork. “I’ve just got to go to bed and work at the CHURCH soup kitchen” I say emphasizing church as clearly as I can.
“Right.” He seems to get what I am saying.
“Well, I’ll see you Monday then”. He reluctantly lets go and walks towards the door. As he leaves I pull him towards me and give him a little kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for coming over and saving the day with the whole fire and everything”. Grabbing me he kisses me one more time more roughly than before but it’s the best one of all.
“Goodnight”. He closes the door and heads up the hill towards his car.
“Oh my gosh” I yell out loud. “AHHH!” I scream and shout and then I realize it’s like 3 in the morning. Better keep it down.