How I Am Doing

People often start out a greeting with the innocuous question- “How are you doing?”.  To which the expected reply is ‘I’m fine’.   Since this is my blog and I can write what I wish I’m going to give the honest answer of How I am doing.

I am exhausted.  Feel like I got beat up in a fight.  I wish I could be one of those people that do long shifts, have crazy personal life and never get a break.  I can do it for about 2 months and then I crash.  I feel like I haven’t had a chance to rest since Christmas.  Granted I’ve had some great experiences like my party or the swim meet Saturday but I still feel super tired and worn out.

I am thrilled.  I love my house. I love my tenants.  I love decorating my house and learning what I like and don’t like.  Its been really fun and satisfying.

I am sore.  My pain in my rib cage has been bad lately.  It’s always there and to an extent I’ve grown accustomed to it but lately its been bad. I can’t wear a bra it hurts so bad.  Sigh…I also pulled a muscle in my hip on Monday so I’m walking like an old woman hunched over.

I am worried.  My Grandma W has been sent back to the ER with her heart problems. I know she’s an old woman but this has all come out of the blue for me.  Makes me feel bad for missing Christmas this year.  I hope she knows how much I love her.

I am overwhelmed.  New calling with lots of responsibilities has been overwhelming. Trying to learn everyone’s names and get things right is hard. Plus, just getting everything settled, unpacked and finished has been hard. Exciting but hard.

I am grateful.  I know how privileged I am on so many levels.  Grateful to have my house and its comforts but also grateful for my friends and the outpouring of love I’ve felt lately.  Really I couldn’t be more grateful.

I am loved.  I’ve often wondered what good deed I did in the pre-life to deserve such love. My party, the swim meet, my move- in all of it I was overwhelmed by how many people loved me. I hope I never take them for granted.  I love my friends!

I am inspired.  Inspired to lose the 15 lbs I gained during this moving process.  Inspired to get back in the water.  Inspired to get ready for SLC swim in June. Getting in better shape is the goal and weight loss will hopefully be a side benefit.

I am anxious.  Let’s be honest- I’m always a little bit anxious.  Its a lot of change in a short period of time and more to come in May with work but all changes for the best.

I am hopeful.  The flip side of anxious is hopeful.  I feel proud of all I have accomplished (even if it wasn’t in the most glamorous of fashion) and look forward to the future.  I’m hopeful for my job, house, tenants, friendships and maybe even dating every now and then. That’d be nice. 🙂

I am happy. I really am.  Tired but happy which perhaps is the best kind of happiness.

So today I have a few hours off to rejuvenate myself.  What to do with a few precious hours?  I’ll start by catching up on my book club book and taking some big deep breaths.  Then maybe I will actually cook myself a real meal.  How are you doing?

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