So my name is Rachel and I’m a workaholic. Want to know the proof? I’ve had kind of a miserable day and do you know what it was- my day off! I will probably end up with close to 50 unused vacation hours this year (my strategy of no vacation/no distraction was great for training, not so great for mental health). The last 2 weeks I have tried to take full days off and have failed miserably ending up with 2-4 hours off if at all (Monday I tried to take off and I ended up working 9 hours…Sigh).
Today I thought ‘I’m just going to relax, watch some movies, pack some boxes and enjoy the day’. (I did go to the PO box, check emails and make a deposit but come on I can’t go from hero to zero all at once!).
Well, my plan didn’t work very well. I woke up way early (I’ve been doing that lately. Not sure why?) and by about noon I was in a bad mood. Feeling crotchety and frustrated.
Things that helped me out of my bad mood- my friend Miriam called just to chat who lives in Virginia and is in town for the holidays. She wasn’t even calling to get together- just to talk. I love that! Thanks. We have been friends for 10 years and as far as I’m concerned the best of friends are the longest lasting.
Then I watched Home Alone and that was hilarious. I forgot how funny it was. I went to see it when I was 10 with my grandparents and remember rolling in the aisles laughing. I had never laughed so hard in a theater. It holds up remarkably well and isn’t being home alone every kids dream? It was for me!
Then I went to mixed martial arts and that made me feel better. I could release some frustration. Frustration at being single on Christmas. Frustration about not finding out about my house. Frustration about my weird lazy day. Frustration about how I was feeling that I couldn’t even explain. I love it! I’m going to do a session Christmas Eve and I think it will be good to get the frustration out.
I know I should have a perfect response to being alone for Christmas but I don’t. I’m sorry. Being 32 and alone at Christmas is nobody’s dream least of all mine. Personally I think you’d be a little strange to not feel a little sad at being alone for Christmas.
But that really wasn’t while I was feeling frustrated. It’s just my life is in flux and I want it to be done. The waiting is driving me crazy! I guess at least work is a distraction from all the other things so trying to be lazy today just didn’t work. There’s something to be said for keeping busy.
Sometimes I also wonder if I’ve lost the ability to really relax? At least there is always Hawaii. I can relax there. Or perhaps my version of relaxation is just busier as much as it drives me crazy? I don’t know? I’m not sure the best way to order my life?
Do any of you struggle with that?
Thanks for all the Christmas cards I got today. That really cheered me up. I have the best friends! Merry Christmas! (and yes facebook friends I do think chasing our childhood Christmases is a mistake. Like the scripture says ‘When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [or woman], I put childish ways behind me.’. Part of growing up at least for me but still a lot to be merry about.
Anyway, so that’s my random thoughts on my day of laziness.