Day: July 14, 2012

This Fat Girl Kicks Butt

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have taken up boxing.  This has long been an interest of mine ever since I took self defense at BYU.  It was such a thrill to be able to kick the tar out of my teacher (he had padding!).  Plus, it is the kind of thing that growing up big you don’t think you can do.  Not in a depressing, sad way but in a nonchalant, not even think twice about it way.  It didn’t even occur to me to try something like boxing let alone that I might actually be good at it.

Despite loving my class I let the hobby slip away and didn’t pick it up again until earlier this year.  Let’s be honest the last year and change has been tough for me and I can’t tell you how great it feels to get the stress out with each punch.  I started out going to boxing is for girls which I still attend and think is awesome but it is a bit of a drive from my house.  Still, I go when I can.

Fortunately I saw a trainer named Ben at my gym doing a UFC type of training and I was so excited! I asked him if he would train me and its been great.  He is such a creative trainer, always coming up with new tools and routines but my favorite is still the UFC, mixed martial arts routines. He’s also a super encouraging guy that makes me laugh.  We have great chemistry which is essential in finding a trainer or a friend for that matter.

I did it twice this week.  Make no mistake it is a hard workout.  I sweat like a marathon runner but it is so satisfying. I honestly never want to stop and only do so when my body revolts.

It’s also so exciting to see people watching me and I can tell they are thinking ‘wow, that fat girl can kick and punch’.  Booyah!  Everyone always sees me as this sweet smiling Mormon girl but there are other sides to me and how great to get that out in such a constructive and satisfying way.  I love it! It just goes to show that you should keep trying new things and thinking outside the box.  You never know when you will hit upon something that you not only like but are actually good at.  At the very least you will keep exercise interesting.

To me it the perfect contrast to swimming, which is all about fluidity and peace.  Boxing is tough, aggressive and exciting. The two makes for a perfect exercise life. Rahhh!

Here is a video of the training.  Doesn’t it look like fun? It’s so great!

Btw, I saw Warrior this week.  Loved it! Very inspiring with a good script and great acting.

Great Love

“To Be One With Each Other” by George Eliot

What greater thing is there for two human souls
than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen
each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow,
to share with each other in all gladness,
to be one with each other in the
silent unspoken memories?

Lately I must admit that I’ve felt a little discouraged, ok maybe a lot discouraged. I’m 31 years old and have never been in love.  At this point I am beginning to wonder if it will happen.  I never date and when I do go out it doesn’t feel close to a match. Recently I’ve had my faith shaken that I can even read a person.  My trust that human beings are who they say they are has been shattered.

Now I have many people in my life who love me but aside from my parents I’ve never really experienced GREAT LOVE. I’m not talking about the love of fairy tales but the kind where a person wants my happiness more than their own. The kind of love where we start a life together and boldly face challenges.  I know it is not perfect but at least it should begin with excitement and sparkle. It’s someone who is loyal and honest, who isn’t afraid to go through the muddy patches of life by my side. Someone who will be my friend and will KNOW me, and I will KNOW them.

I don’t even know if I would recognize it at this point if I saw it.   The whole love thing honestly feels like Santa Claus in my life.  Something adults tell you is so wonderful but never seems to quite happen.

I don’t mean to be over-dramatic or sad but I really wonder- can you live a full, rich, textured life and never fall in love? Even if love ended poorly it seems I would have at least had a full life experience.

People say you should never marry your first love but at this point I will have little choice in the matter :). I know I have lots of flaws but I think if someone gave me a chance I would be a darn good partner.  I would be loyal, honest, hard working and a great friend.  If there is anything I value in life it is being a great friend.

It does make me ask the question- What’s wrong with me and why does everyone else seem to be able to figure this whole love thing out? And not only do most seem to figure out the love quandary many people do so repeatedly.  I have a friend who has been married 4 times.  How can you fall in love 4 times! I can’t figure it out once.

I used to think it was just my weight that was keeping me from great love but now I’m an athlete and no difference.

I know that God has His own time table for me but I had never dealt with the possibility that He might not have it in the cards for me to experience great love. While I can never lose faith, I do have to acknowledge that it may not be part of my plan.  He knows why but it may not be for me in this life.

And please don’t tell me to try online dating or regale me with stories of how hard marriage is.  I get all of that (and done the online dating many times.  I still have a profile but it is not for me).  I just want to experience great love.  Doesn’t everyone? That’s all I’m saying but I don’t know if I ever will. Sigh…

Anyway, back to the original question- can you lead a full and rich life and never fall in love?  I’m not just asking this to engender pity or sympathy I really want to know can a life be considered fully lived without such an essential life experience?  If you listened to music from any era or read literature or poetry the answer would clearly be no. But what do you think?

I don’t really expect a response on this one but feel free.  I’m just sending it out there as a way to process my life.  There it is my internet friend.  The great question of my life…

great love…I need a miracle!