So I have a confession I love HGTV/Food Network. While I watch too much television in general, there is a mysterious aspect of home/food shows that I enjoy- something voyeuristic in watching others eat food I wish I was eating or purchasing homes I imagine purchasing. The more of a fantasy, the better! Some particular favorites are:
House Hunters International
Holmes on Homes
Selling New York
Bang for your Buck
(I don’t really like the pure design shows. I prefer the ones that involve the purchase of a home because I’m scared to death of buying).
Ace of Cakes
Aarti Party (so cute!)
Best Thing I Ever Ate (this is particularly fantastical for me since I’ve been eating healthy and can’t eat most of the items shown)
Diners Drive in and Dives (I think Guy is ridiculous (Can the 90s get their hair and sayings back?) but I think its fun to see the places. Utah has been featured like 7 times on this show!)
Next Food Network Star
Food Network Challenge (I like the cake ones)
Throwdown (Its hilarious how Bobby Flay loses like 2/3rds of these throwdowns. You’ve got to give the man credit. He obviously doesn’t have too much of an ego!
Iron Chef (I wish I could be a judge on this show although it does seem like they are getting desperate for alter ideas).
Not on Food Network but I also like Top Chef
I can’t have a post on cooking shows without reiterating my obsession with Julia Child and her amazing show The French Chef. She is my hero (Get ready- I’m going to be her for Halloween).
I am a sucker for reality tv and I guess these types of shows are portraying a certain type of enviable lifestyle- or even just a different lifestyle. Someday I would like a small portion of the life shown on TV. For instance, I would like one time in my life to go to a restaurant with reservations- the kind that costs over $50 a plate and has fancy ingredients like truffles and foi grois. Have any of ever eaten at this type of place? One of the top places on my list would be Babbo- Mario Batalli’s restaurant in NYC. One of these days…(Maybe I should make that a reward for losing the 100 lbs. ) Its been 4 years since my last trip to New York and I’m dying to go back! Anyone want to go- I have a free ticket!
On the home side I love to fantasize about the way I’d design my perfect kitchen or bathroom. I have binders full of articles and design ideas ready for me to use. Some of my favorite design elements are open cabinets, bookcases galore, stunning steam showers and kitchens full of french cookware (the current desire of my heart is a dutch oven that I can use to make delicious dishes such as beef bourguignon)
I’d also love a large kitchen island, copper pots, a real silver tea set and a table with fresh flowers. I’m not one for gardens, but I’d like to have a fresh herb garden… I also have 3 binders full of recipes, tablescapes and menus I hope to try. Some people might think this is silly but I figure what’s life without any scheming or dreaming? Its like thinking about Hawaii- I’m not there but thinking about it makes me genuinely happy! Come on over to my place for dinner and I may just make you one of my binder recipes!
Of course, I realize these shows are edited and scripted to please suckers like me but somehow I don’t care. Do any of you like these shows?
So today I stumbled across a poem that is the without a doubt the most romantic thing I’ve ever read…Lately I’ve been listening to music and floating away with fantasy. I’ve been working so hard and I feel just maybe I’m ready for something new. I have no idea what will happen but it is nice to know I’m in a good place. I feel beautiful, confident and am in the beginning stages of getting a balanced life (not there yet!). Anyway, isn’t this the best poem?
i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Ah….Ok. Wake up Rachel and get back to regular life! I can’t resist ending this very sappy entry with what’s for my money the most romantic song ever…Ah again!
So, this week started out pretty bad. To begin with there was a change in my work that on first glance felt like a failure in my leadership abilities. I can’t get into it much but suffice it to say several years of stress culminated into a not unexpected but bittersweet moment. The older I get the more I realize I just am not built to get along with everyone. I like to think of myself as someone who is a good leader but every once in a while I meet a human being that I just can’t figure out (there are 4 in my life to be more precise). For instance, my old mission companion who treated me like garbage for nearly 2 months. I tried everything to make her happy and nothing worked. Was I perfect?- of course not, but no change in strategy seemed to help either.
Internet community out there- have you ever felt this way? Did you ever find someone that you just couldn’t get along with? What did you do about it? Is there something I’m missing? Perhaps I should just give up sooner, but I always hope the next attempt will be the magic solution. With certain people that will not happen and while this knocks down my Pollyanna complex, it is a reality. I suppose nobody but Jesus Christ could love all, even his enemies, equally. How did he do that? I have a long way to go on that front.
Anyway, the week started out pretty sucky but it got worse. In addition to the change at work there was a physical scare. While doing my new routine Saturday I pulled a muscle in my back. It didn’t hurt bad at first but by Monday I was in a lot of pain (the same day all the work mess hit the fan! Isn’t that the way it always happens?). Needless to say my apartment smells like bengay and my ice packs have been in constant rotation. My greatest fear (and initial discouragement) was that an injury would throw me off track in my fitness quest. I’ve never been as consistent or determined to get in shape- never. Ever since March I have rarely missed more than a day or two of exercise and for the last month or so have been doing 4-5 days a week of both cardio and weight training. I have been praying constantly that nothing would stop me or lessen my enthusiasm. With the pain at its peak I called my trainer Michelle (who is awesome- see photo below) and she gave me some interesting advice.
She said, “Most people think that you want to remain sedentary with a muscle ache. The truth is that lying flat will cause the muscle to freeze up, leading to more pain. The best thing you can do is keep moving.” Isn’t that interesting? I have been thinking about it all week. Maybe with physical and relationship struggles (maybe with all struggles) the greatest healing comes from continuing to move and grow? That’s one of maybe a hundred ‘moments of clarity’ I’ve had this week (I love those!).
With a bit of trepidation and my trainers words echoing in my mind I went to the gym on Tuesday for a swim. Fortunately my swim coach Dave was there and he was awesome- so encouraging. With his support I got through a normal work out and afterwords felt great. It was such a relief to get through the first work out. It’s hard to explain how it felt but basically it was a big exclamation of “Yes!” . (On Wednesday I got a deep body massage which was GREAT!!)
After swimming on Tuesday I went to my best friend Emily’s house and she made a delicious salad lunch for me and we chatted. She always has the best perspective on life and it was the perfect person to help me weed through my problems. After our visit I had the thought- maybe I needed these experiences to humble me and remind a very prideful Rachel that my accomplishments both in work and training are not my own but Heavenly Fathers?….Hmmm. With this thought I went to my master class and sang my best solo ever! (Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed a boost of pride to end the day! A girl can only take so much.).
Without boring you with a travelogue of the rest of the week let me just say that each day has been just like Tuesday- full of challenges but even more full of blessings. Everywhere I look friends and family are supporting me, expressing love for me and helping me work out my problems. Without their amazing perspectives I would be one big moping mess (or more of a moping mess). In addition, I have been particularly sensitive to little blessings like a good laugh over my favorite shows coming back (Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother are so great!), or making apple butter for the first time (delicious- got lots if anyone wants some), or finding a new song to obsess over (see below- Sara Bareilles is amazing. I love this song!). Even today I was planning on working the whole day but ended up meeting my great friend Stefanie to exercise, then we went to look for an apartment for her (she’ s moving so close- another blessing!), and then went to a delicious lunch (2 sandwiches split- BLT and Turkey with cranberry jalapeno jelly- yum! Is there anything better than a good deli sandwich?). Then tonight I have chatted with my sister and had my own mini dance party listening to my favorite song. It’s turned into a great day!By the way- don’t worry, I did get some work done!
Its funny because when I look at this week I see the challenges but they pale in comparison to the blessings. I am so fortunate. Can you believe that after Monday I spent time with friends every single day? Normally I am lucky to get a visit or 2 a week! Heavenly Father knew I needed to feel loved this week. Isn’t that an amazing thing to think about? The Lord of the whole earth, the God of everything, knows me and knew I needed to be loved. Wow!
I don’t think I thank my Heavenly Father enough for all the blessings He gives me. The list goes on and on but mostly I am grateful for His hand in my life. I’m thankful that He loves me and wants me to smile- even if it means inspiring a friend to call me or helping me get the care I need for my back. I know that I am watched over by Heavenly Father and that Jesus died for me. I know that Their tender mercies shine in my life every day. I just have to be humble enough to recognize them, which is why I face obstacles and disappointments (and disappointing people.). Today I feel full of BLESSINGS!
Also thank you to all those friends who responded to the spirit and came to my rescue. I know it meant putting up with a lot of whining from me but I appreciate it. I promise to be there for your whining moments!
If this video doesn’t make you smile you have problems. I LOVE IT!!!!!
On the softer side- another song I love is by the Zac Brown Band. I think they could be the new Crosby Steels and Nash. Enjoy!
Ever since I was about 12 years old one of my favorite books has been Cheaper by the Dozen by Frank Gilbreth and Ernestine Carey. It is a memoir that tells the story of the Gilbreth family in Montclair, New Jersey during the 1920’s. Frank and Lilian Gilbreth were pioneers in the field of motion study. As part of their profession they would enter factories and study the movements of workers to figure out how items could be made more quickly. This started when as a young man Frank studied the motions of brick layers and discovered a way to reduce the amount of steps it took to lay a brick wall. He then wrote a paper, which led to further papers and finally a career in the field. An interesting fact is that Frank never went to college despite being a frequent lecturer. His wife, Lilian, was a well educated woman who received a BA and MA from UC Berkley and a PHD from Brown University. I don’t want to give too much away but Lilian was a remarkable leader and mother- one of my heroes.
After they married Frank and Lilian decided to put their motion study expertise to the ultimate test- by raising a family of 12 children. They even decided that 6 boys and 6 girls would be the perfect dozen and that’s just what they had. As you can imagine operating a two income family while raising 12 children is no easy task and Cheaper by the Dozen tells the story of how the Gilbreth’s did it. The funniest parts of the book involve Frank Gilbreth’s attempts to bring his motion study career into the running of his family- even to the extent of filming the kids tonsillectomies to see how the surgeon can improve efficiency (that story has such a funny ending). I love how the kids have to listen to language records while they get ready in the morning and study morse code in the summer by solving clues written on the wall by their Dad. There are also great scenes of both Gilbreth parents trying to deal with their children growing up in the roaring 20’s. Frank puts up quite the fight against his daughters dating, wearing flapper fashions and cutting their hair into short bobs.
I am sure the real life Gilbreth family was not as perfect and whimsical as portrayed in the book but I like to think they were close. Regardless, Cheaper by the Dozen is a funny, charming book about a family that lived with flair! By the way, don’t pay any attention to the Steve Martin movies made under the title Cheaper By the Dozen. They have no similarity to the book except for the 12 children. I don’t know why they didn’t just adapt the book. Its so great! There is an old version with Clifton Webb that is more accurate.
If you are looking for a funny, light, entertaining book READ IT! I know you will love it!
As I mentioned in my previous post I took my friend Aimee to my gym and gave her the grand tour. As I showed her the basketball court and nearby rock climbing wall she asked me if I’d ever climbed. I laughed and without thinking said “I’m too fat for that”. It may or may not be true, but I’m still scared that the rock climbing harness can’t carry someone of my weight. As soon as the words went out of my mouth I thought of the other things I feel “I’m too fat for…”.
Now as all the readers of this blog know I have a very good self esteem especially for a big girl. That said- there are still certain things that I don’t feel I can do or wouldn’t have any fun doing because of my weight. The more I thought about it, the longer the list grew until it became the Official I’m Too Fat For List. Just as some people a have bucket list of the things they want to do before they die, I will have my list of all the things I want to do when I am skinny (or as I become skinnier/healthier). As I continue on my quest I will check items off this list one-by-one until I have done every last one of them- or at least made an attempt. Naturally I will post every achievement prominently on this blog, so start keeping track! I encourage all of you to make your own list whether it is “I’m too shy for”, “I’m too stupid for”, “I’m not pretty enough for” or whatever your doubts are. Make the list and stop limiting yourself. It is my greatest desire to lead a full life. In fact, the entire reason why I am motivated to get in shape is to LIVE BETTER! This is only going to happen if I stop telling myself that I can’t do things. The bad parts of the old me have to be chipped away until a new even more awesome person emerges!
I’m Too Fat For List:
1. Rock climbing
2. Scuba Diving
4. Group/Team Sports (aside from swimming of course). Just once I’d like to be in good enough shape that when people gather for a football game before Thanksgiving or they announce a softball team in church I can do it. (My hand eye coordination may not ever improve but at least I can give that excuse instead of being too fat!).
5. Running a Mile or More
6. Hiking (particularly Mt. Timp)- I’ve obviously hiked before, I just don’t enjoy it.
7. Spelunking- I’ve always been scared I’d get stuck in the cave like Pooh Bear in Rabbit’s door!
9. Kayaking or Canoeing, any boating activity that requires balance. I’d particularly like to go back to Cabo and get on a boat that last time I had to be hoisted onto by like 3 people. It was so embarrassing.
10. Biking- mountain and street
11. Motorcycling- I’m scared its going to get unbalanced because of my weight- stupid, I know. Same with ATVs.
12. Skiing/Snowboarding- pretty much all winter sports
13. Shopping in trendy stores- this might seem like an odd one but I haven’t ever been thin enough to do this- even when I was young.
14. Audition for a lead in a play. I always felt I could only get the ‘fat girl’ parts.
15. Fly on an airplane without using a belt extender (I actually bought my own I was so sick of asking for one. How embarrassing is that to admit. Oh well. Everyone starts somewhere.)
16. Have short hair- I have always felt short hair would make me look heavier. If I ever do this one I will donate my hair to Locks of Love. Its certainly long enough now.
17. Ask the cutest guy I know out with confidence. (Don’t know how open I will be able to be about that one on the blog!)
18. Wear horizontal stripes.
I’m sure there are other items but I will add those as I go. If any of you create a list I’d love to read it. I’m so grateful to have the amazing, overwhelming support of my friends and family. Thank you so much!
Today I had a great experience. My friend Aimee Talley and I worked at the houses weeding for a few hours. I HATE weeding but today doing it with a friend it wasn’t so bad. We had a good time talking about a variety of issues and just getting in some girl talk. After the weeding we went to my gym and I gave Aimee a tour! It was a lot of fun to show someone my stomping grounds and have company for my work out. By the way- if anyone wants to come with me to the gym I would love it, so far Aimee is the first one to take me up on the offer!
With a friend there I had someone who could take some photos of me at the pool. I have been meaning to take some for the blog but was embarrassed to ask a stranger. (I wanted to prove to everyone that I was really was working out- 5 times this week!). For the past 16 days I’ve spent time nearly every day doing a weight routine my trainer gave me using free weights. After that I do a different type of cardio- my favorite being swimming. Ever since I was a child I have loved swimming. I love the coolness and fresh feel of the water and the freedom I feel gliding with each stroke . It has always been the only athletic activity I enjoy. In fact, everything else is a chore. I honestly hate all other kinds of exercise. In high school I joined the swim team where I wasn’t a star but was competitive- especially in the butterfly! I was one of the only girls that had the upper body strength to the do the butterfly well. What’s funny is that for 3 years I competed on the Middletown High School swim team and had a great experience, but I never won a single race, or even came close. I am a naturally competitive, prideful person, so it is funny that this didn’t bother me. I guess I just loved swimming too much to notice! My last year in Maryland I even completed my lifeguard certification, which was quite an achievement given my weight at the time. I vividly remember taking the test (you had to tread in water with a 10 pound brick for 10 minutes!) and then standing by the side of the pool exhausted waiting for Coach Cowperthwaite (her real name) to see if I’d passed. Eventually she nodded and said “you did it!”. “Really?” “Holy Cow!” I replied in disbelief. Looking back it is still an amazing accomplishment. I don’t see how I did it when at the time I weighed at least 220 lbs. I think I simply loved to swim that much! Amazing!
One of the great things (basically the best thing!) about my new gym is the lap pool. The water is the perfect temperature and it feels so good to do lap after lap. I would honestly swim every day but my trainer recommends I alternate different cardios to work out various muscles. Sometimes I will reward myself after a treadmill or bike work out (I particularly hate the treadmill) with a lap swim- not a bad reward! Anyway, here are some photos of me at the gym. I think you can see how happy I am especially in the water.
By the way, anyone thinking of entering my healthy recipe contest please get me your entries by this Friday September 17th. Remember it can be any type of recipe as long as it is healthy and delicious. I really will give a prize and post the winning entry on this blog. Please send away! (Thanks to those who have already submitted!).
Oh glorious cheese, how do I miss you? Can I count the ways? Cheddar, Havarti, Goat, Feta, Monterrey Jack, Blue, Mozzarella, Gouda, Fontina, Parmesan, Brie and the list goes on.
Ever since my diet I have given myself a strict no cheese eating limitation. I realized that almost every fattening thing I like has cheese on it. By opting out of this one ingredient my entire lifestyle has become significantly healthier. That said I miss my cheese!
Now I’m not talking about some lame processed Velveeta crap cheese. No sir, the cheese I crave is the quality aged cheeses pounced full of taste. I do not accept any of these mild or medium level lame cheeses. I’m talking STRONG cheese that practically assault you with its flavor. This is part of the reason why most fast food cheese does not tempt me. It is not at the level of cheese flavor I constantly seek for.
Long ago are the days when my fridge blessed me with blocks of Irish Havarti, Shaved Parm and Tillamook Aged Reserve Cheddar. In a blink of an eye I could whip up a quesadilla with nothing but sharp cheddar and Tabasco and it would be a masterpiece. Ah yum! Then I could make a grilled cheese with lots of mustard, panini style, with my Lean Mean Grill. Now my LMG never gets used because there is no cheese!
Moving on, I long for the days of home made macaroni and cheese (or the doctored up boxed stuff which now I eat plain. Gross!) fettuccine alfredo, cheese burgers, cheesy tacos, salads, burritos etc. Most importantly cheese on pizza. I have fallen off the bandwagon twice for pizza. I LOVE the stuff. Why does it have to be so darn good and why does the cheese on it have to be so yummy! Why? Why?
Someday dear cheese perhaps we can be friends again but for now I am simply left with the memory of better times. Times when the oohy, goey goodness of cheese could be welcomed with open arms. Perhaps the 180 lb version of Rachel will be ready to embrace cheese once more but until then we must part ways and live together only in memory….
Oh how I miss cheese! A similar entry will be done in a few weeks on chocolate, butter, pie crust, thai food, snacking, etc. Even though I’m not really dieting- Dieting sucks! My uncle Tom once told me that if you get to a certain level of fitness you can eat whatever you want and still be skinny. There’s the dream! Someday if I work hard enough I can eat cheese and not feel bad about it! On that note I’m off to have a glorious cheesy dream!