As many of you know in recent months I have started a new fitness challenge with the goal to lose 100 lbs by my 30th birthday. This is a bold goal but like they said shooting for the moon you at least will hit a few stars. I have already lost 13 lbs in just over 2 months (really I started full force after returning from California).
It can be hard to understand how difficult the process of losing weight is if you have never experienced it. When you have to lose a significant amount of weight it is overwhelming. I could lose 150 lbs and still be considered on the higher end of normal weight. Even more than the daunting numbers is that, it is like fighting your inner-voice because basically everything it is saying is wrong. It tells me I should slow down, eat more, go to fast food or not exercise today. It rebels against my attempts to save my life (which is what I am doing!). It says “Rachel, why are you putting me through such pain when you could be happy doing….”. Fighting this voice is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. When I drive down the street I hear the voice say “stop in there” or “get a little of that. It’s not that bad…”. You never realize how many places there are to eat out until you are ignoring that voice! (there are 9 places just in the strip mall outside my apartment!). In the past I have always given into the voice but now I am determined to shut it out and turn to Heavenly Father instead. It reminds me of my favorite scripture Mosiah 3:19:
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”
My natural man (or woman) is my enemy. It is making me tired, sore and frustrated. It invents lame excuses and brings on discouragement. I have tried so many times to lose the weight but somehow this time feels different. I know I can do it. I am willing to do whatever it takes even if it means missing work hours because I am too exhausted to function adequately. (Thankfully I have the full support of my father/boss in this endeavor). I have conquered every other obstacle in my life and I have done it as a plus size woman. I am proud of my accomplishments and I do not feel that my weight is some kind of disgrace. Being a bigger girl does not mean that life ends and that you spend each day on the coach eating potato chips. I travel, swim, sing, work hard, am involved in church and other activities etc. There is much greatness to be achieved at any weight.
I also actually feel that I am beautiful just the way I am. I really do. I have been heavy since I was 8 years old and from an young age I was blessed with the gift of self-acceptance and a happy heart. Sure I had my moments of self-doubt (particularly when it comes to interacting with boys) but deep down inside I always knew I was beautiful. I learned early on that Heavenly Father loved me no matter what I looked like. I gained that testimony and it has carried me through many challenges to be the dynamic person I am today. As I have said on this blog many times I love my life and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Why change you may ask? It is precisely because I love my life that I must change. I want to live a long life. I want to be healthy and try my best to avoid heart disease, strokes, diabetes etc. Even more than that, I want to live a full life. I am tired of being limited by my weight. I want to be able to take surfing lessons when I go to Hawaii. I want to be up for pick up basketball games when everyone plays or to have the energy to ride a bike with my dad (or just ride a bike period). I want to go to Disneyland and not be wiped out for a week from walking around. In short, I want to improve upon the greatness of my life- make it richer and at least easier (eventually!)
Already this has been such a struggle and I know it will continue to be so for many years (that’s right years). Thank you in advance for any positive feedback given for my baby steps and for listening to me moan and groan on occasion. In return I will make a commitment to post photos and updates of my journey on this blog and to do something athletic with all of you someday!
To having energy, to living a full life. Don’t you’all let me stop!