Day: October 1, 2009

How to Make Friends and Influence People

This post is more of a question than anything else.  How do you effectively make friends as a mature adult?  Lately I have been a little discouraged over my friend situation.  I’ve mentioned it before but three of my best friends have moved in the last few months and a ton have gotten married, engaged or are dating somebody.  One of the hardest things about being single is the constantly changing peer group.  If you watched shows like Friends, Seinfeld and Sex and the City you would think that all singles have a set group of friends throughout their mature lives.  It’s a nice fantasy but in reality singles are constantly reinventing their social circle.  I wish I had a group of girlfriends that I could call on a Friday night and always have something to do, but I don’t know anyone who actually has that. Most of my friends are from different parts of my life (different wards, from school, work etc).  When I lived in American Fork my roommates and I had a little bit of that group feel with our friends but now Camille is in Blanding and I hardly see Megan.  This year we may not even have our traditional Halloween party 😦

Perhaps some of my single readers can comment on their ability to make friends.  One of the problems I have run into lately is that I am using work to fill the void of my missing friends.  I know I should be out there making new friends but I don’ t know how.  I have tried throwing parties, dinner groups and meeting people at church but so far it isn’t working.  My book clubs are dying which makes me sad and I can not get anyone to come to enrichment of any kind.  Some may say I should go dancing, but I hate dancing.  I’m terrible at it and have no rhythm.  Perhaps I should start up a new book club, but I am losing confidence that anyone will come.  It has been a lot of fun having my sister Anna in town.  My sisters are my best friends.

I don’t mean  to engender pity. I am grateful for my amazing friends, but I am feeling a little lonely.  It’s just hard to get up the energy to start over again, making new friends, forging new relationships.  Especially when it seems like my gift of entertaining has fizzled.  (Maybe it was actually Camille that was the gatherer and I just hung on to her coattails for two years- very possible).  I miss Camille, Miriam, Stef, Melissa, Emily, Raelene, Julia, and more.  I wish they all lived in Utah but alas they do not and I just don’t know what to do.  Friendships have to arise organically.  They cannot be forced.  I have to wait and try my best and whatever happens, happens.

Sorry this is such a random post.  I think this is a sign I need to get back to Hawaii.  Anyone want to go?  At least next week I am going to California for a little roommate reunion with my sister Megan and friend Emily.  I am so excited about getting some time off.  I need it!

us four in hawaii