Hello blogging community. It has been a few days since I last posted. This is due partly to my sister Anna’s visit but mostly to the recent chaos that is my life. Let me explain.
Ever since I got back from Hawaii there has been one stressful crisis after another. I don’t want to get into it but do you ever feel that you are having a losing streak? It’s like everything I try fizzles. The yards haven’t been good enough, the houses not well enough maintained, the tenants have been difficult, I’ve made some stupid mistakes, tenants have lied to my face, I’ve had squabbles with people, gotten my feelings hurt, and the home owner’s association is now threatening to make us stop our vacation rental business. My dad has taken the brunt of all of this and for that I feel even worse because the last thing he needed was a time-eating legal process.
The other thing that makes me sad is my best friend is moving to California to start law school. I will miss Melissa Noyes a lot. She has been a solid support for me over the last 3 years and on my mission. I appreciate her optimism and the way she makes me forget my troubles. The thing I love the most about her is she is not a worrier like I am. In a very non-cheesy way when I am with Melissa I forget my problems and have fun. I will miss our near-weekly dinners at Wingers (although my waistline won’t!) and the barrage of stupid romantic comedies we saw together. With Melissa’s departure I will have more friends outside of Utah than in. While I am able to keep in touch with these friends and they are SO important in my life, I do miss having the nearby interaction. I am grateful for all my friends and all the support they continually give me.
For the moment, it looks like I may not be working in September and October on the rentals. I will have Grabber work, which should be a enough to live off of. Plus, I will be starting a real estate broker class that will keep my busy. In addition, there are other potential business opportunities that could also develop. Anyway, it has just been a lot to deal with in basically a months time- particularly when you think I got a nasty sinus infection, a family reunion, and had other commitments as well.
I am trying my best to be calm and take each day as they come. Almost all of the things that stress me out right now I can’t control, so I know I shouldn’t worry about them. I also know everything will be Ok. I’ve just never been a big one for change and that is particularly true when something that has made me so happy (my job over the last year) is changing. Stepping into the unknown is scary and uncertain, but I also have to remember that it is exciting and full of potential.
I am trying my best to remember the Lord’s hand in all things and that without change I will never grow. Already this situation has caused me to pray more fervently than I was before. Please include me in your prayers. I know my problems may seem small but the power of friends at prayer is strong. If anything it will help me be strong.
In the end, I just have to increase my faith. I like to control things- to set a plan and micromanage them until they are accomplished. Now I am in a situation where that control is impossible. I must have faith. My Heavenly Father brought me to this job, and He will lead me to my next assignment. I don’t think I have ever felt the spirit more strongly than when I quit my old accounting job. Then I spent 6 months in the unknown, interviewing for job after job, with nothing coming from my hard work. Then this opportunity to manage vacation rentals came and it has been awesome, difficult in some ways but mostly awesome. Hopefully things will remain the same, but I just need to believe in His plan for me, be creative, and work hard. Having faith in the unknown can be the hardest thing to do but isn’t that the definition of faith?
I don’t want to sound melodramatic. I know others face far more stressful and devastating situations. This is merely an unknown career change. Nevertheless, it is difficult in its own way for me. Again, thank you for your thoughts, support and prayers. I will keep the blog posted on what happens.
Here’s a poem about faith I like by Emily Dickinson.
So when the Hills decay —
My Faith must take the Purple Wheel
To show the Sun the way —
‘Tis first He steps upon the Vane —
And then — upon the Hill —
And then abroad the World He go
To do His Golden Will —
And if His Yellow feet should miss —
The Bird would not arise —
The Flowers would slumber on their Stems —
No Bells have Paradise —
How dare I, therefore, stint a faith
On which so vast depends —
Lest Firmament should fail for me —
The Rivet in the Bands